I have a new app idea, where you go mobile to find girlfriends who have sugar daddies – and those girlfriends invite you out to hang with them and their glucose guardians. The point? Well, you reap some awesome sugar benefits without any strings attached! You heard it here first. I’m calling it Sugar Friends. The other night I went to LA (I live in Orange County) to meet up with my girl visiting from Georgia, and she brought along her met online fructose parent. I have honestly never seen one of these sucrose fathers in action, in the flesh…so when he started pulling wads of cash out to pay for everything our hearts desired I was unnecessarily shook. I’d even try to order my own dignified independent girl drink, and then he’d swoop in and take care of the tab while also wooing the female bartenders with overly healthy tips. It felt awkward at first, getting taken care of this damn much, as just the friend of the levulose child (sugar baby synonym, keep up with me!)…but eventually I got drunk and the cares stopped forming. It was a fantastic place to be. I’m just not into the concept enough to full on commit to a real one (I know, no one’s putting a gun to my head and forcing me to either, I’m just having a conversation here). I don’t have disrespect for people who thrive on these arrangements, as long as no one is getting hurt. Pride is a powerful imaginary force – A tradeoff I haven’t been able to forgo when it comes to strutting my independence. My dad (my real dad guys not a xylose one!), randomly told me once, like Rhonda Rousey said, “don’t be a do-nothing bitch”. There’s a lot of things he’s taught me that I’ve held onto like flies on shit…and this is one of them. Don’t be a do-nothing bitch. Rhonda’s speech explaining what a DNB is went like this:
“A kind of chick that just tries to be pretty and be taken care of by somebody else. That’s why I think it’s hilarious when people say my body looks masculine or something like that. Listen, just because my body was developed for a purpose other than f—ing millionaires, doesn’t mean it’s masculine. I think it’s femininely badass as f— because there’s not a single muscle in my body that isn’t for a purpose. Because I’m not a do-nothing bitch.”
In the end, I think life is just about balance. I tend to remain moderately firm in my convictions because I’m flexible when it comes to change and the evolution of circumstances. In LA that day, I was taken care of and I had the kind of time I’m still buzzing from days later. Back in Orange County today, I’m back to taking care of myself. Extremes are easy. Strive for balance.
The Relatables 