My first heartbreak was about three years ago. I was so angsty that I found myself Googling dumb articles like “How long will it take to get over my ex?” (PSA Google said to add 6 months for every 3 months you were together, it’s basic fundamental math). But after the time that flawless equation summed up came and went – I was still thinking of this guy! He’d come up randomly for no apparent reason and I’d get a small missing pang in my guts (I later found out this had to do with the fact that I had illegal surgery performed in a back ally to remove my kidney).
Getting over my ex felt like I was training for a marathon. Except the end result, at least to me, was even more worthwhile because of who it made me today. Now, I try to bring myself back to that time and how I’d wake up in the middle of the night wanting him back, or how I convinced myself I would never be the same me again…And I just can’t relate anymore. I want to write about it to seem relatable to everyone who has or is going through the unspeakable right now, but I’m so past it that it just feels – phony – to try to be poetic about someone who shit in my cereal three years ago. Put it like this, recalling how bent out of shape I was over this dude would be like trying to put your poop back in your butt. Now that you have a nice visual, I decided to instead sum up some of the major takeaways I got from the entire experience…if you’re going through something like this, or you already have, I hope it resonates with you.
- You will get through this.
- You won’t be the same ‘you’ that you were, you’ll be a better version.
- I remember the very day I got over to the other side of the plateau (this is very important) – it was the day I let go of ALL HOPE that we would get back together one day. As long as you hold onto hope, you will not move on. When you let it go, you do unimaginable things for your journey and strength of character. And no, it’s not supposed to be easy…but if it was easy everyone would be an Olympic marathon athlete.
- I spent a lot of days and nights in my apartment hyperventilating over it (then my cat would decide I was worthy of comfort because I scooped his shit every day)…I wanted so badly to hear from him, to send a text, to call him. Instead I fought the urge to do it solely out of respect for myself. This is the single most caring thing I did for me. Always put yourself first with these things, and you’ll come in first place on the day of the marathon. No pain no gain, baby.
- If you have been wronged and believe you deserve some type of closure in order to move on…Forget it. Refer to my last post. No one in this world owes you a damn thing. You’ll get through this without an apology, and since it won’t kill you, it’ll definitely make you stronger.
- Don’t tie your self-worth to what your ex thinks of you. Your value must come from within. You are enough. Believe in that and the rest of the advice in this post will naturally follow suit.
- Don’t be afraid to love again. There are still good people out there. Oh, and….
- You will love again.