August 18th

My mom was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s disease while I was in high school – We lost her when I was 24 years old, on August 18, 2016.  Those were the most devastating years of my life.
She used to bake and decorate cakes professionally for all occasions – mostly weddings. But she even made up a boob cake in a blue bikini top for a Bachelor party that she thought was so hilarious.  Pineapple upside down cake with Brandy was a classic she’d make for us at home.  So I’m going to make it on Sunday. A cake every year for tradition.
Knowing I’ve survived 3 years now, in a world that no longer includes my amazing mother introduces a lot of complex feelings. Sometimes I still feel guilty for embracing so much joy. But I realize that my happiness has a lot to do with the lessons she instilled in me – so though gone in body she is still here. She is present in the way I let go of the small things or make efforts to be a better listener to my friends, in the way I want to give more hugs, and love as freely as she did.  
August 18th is the day that death touched my life and changed me forever.  There’s so much I wish I could tell her now. But mostly how much I love and miss her. And that I think of her…every. single. day. 

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