Crazy Ex-Girlfriends

“Crazy ex-girlfriend”.  Oh, we’ve all had one of those, amirite…Why doesn’t “crazy ex-boyfriend” carry the same ring to it though?  I mean, when I say I have had some crazy exes, I almost always feel the need to reiterate in conversation…”No, I mean this guy was actually CRAZY.”  And I think I’ve figured it out…It’s because our cultural narrative implies that women are just naturally deranged, and when you come across a crazy guy, well he’s just an exception to the rule.

Well, I have to say it.  I think men are the crazy ones…Yea, yea. I have heard my man friends tell me some pretty f*&k’d up stories about the things women have put them through – I’m not saying chicks are guilt free.  What I’m saying is that dudes are especially guilty, and not enough light is shed on how wackadoo emotional they can be.  I hear these stories about crazy ex-girlfriends and then I reflect on my own experiences, trying to think of the “craziest” thing I’ve ever done. Honestly, I can’t think of anything.  If a guy has ever crossed me in the past (can you tell I’m about to take major pride in what I’m about to say), I have been known to simply pick myself up, pack my shit – and leave.  Disappear.  A couple times I didn’t even tell the guy what he did wrong (slept with 5 other chicks while seeing me at the same time), and he text me (and my girlfriends) nonstop saying I was a crazy b*&ch for dropping off the face of the earth without rhyme or reason.  I’ve always been this way.  So when I tell people I’m actually not crazy, I would SO appreciate not having the presumed conversation EVERY time; 

 

“Yea right, every girl is crazy.” 

“I’m not”

“That’s what they all say, sorry it’s just the laws of nature.”

 

Okay, but if we’re going with the laws of nature I would think it would make more sense for dudes to be the unhinged ones.  Think cave man days…Weren’t the cave men the dominant ones dragging women back to caves to procreate? 

Who constitutes 83% of those arrested for arson? 89.5% of homicides in the U.S.? I won’t go into rape stats…Okay you pulled my arm – men constitute 98.9% of those arrested for forcible rape! Sick!

But women are naturally unstable? Please! Just stop calling us crazy or I’ll slash your tires.

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