The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it…
This quote is scary, because it’s so relatably true. I think everyone has an understanding of “settling”, but as we look at our own lives we can be the best lawyers of ourselves and the best judges of others. Meaning, we can make excuses for ourselves and defend our actions, justifying the things we do, much easier then we can for others. When we look at others we are much more objective and tend to overlook the nuances and subtleties we give ourselves credit for.
I say that to frame the question, “what is the balance of waiting for THE ONE or working through it?” I referenced this conversation in my last the post. A lot of people are afraid to “settle”, thinking that somehow they have sold themselves short and deserve more. These same people often never find someone who meets their standard, and it made me think about relationships in a weird way.
Granted, I am writing from the perspective of a single man, who isn’t in love or feel like they’ve found the one. So I do feel like my opinion will change when/if I do find the one for me. But is it better to find someone that is 70% or even 90% of your standard and grow and develop with them, or to stay true to yourself and wait for the perfect someone to exceed your standards?
On one hand I want to be rational and think that the chances are very low that you meet the “perfect” person. And if so, if you would even be the perfect person for them. For example I’m sure a lot of women see Brad Pitt as a great catch, but to Brad Pitt, he might not see all those women in the same light. So I would think there would have to be some sort of compromise from both sides to find mutual peace.
But on the other hand, why would you ever sell yourself short? Why settle? Life is too short. I think having the confidence in yourself to know your worth is a special trait as well. You certainly take the risk of living life alone, but with great risk comes great reward. “Holding out” or not settling could help you build the character and confidence to know exactly what you want, and take advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself. And maybe I’m a romantic, but I feel like there would be no better feeling then knowing you found THE ONE.
I understand that all relationships take work, whether they are the one or not. So this isn’t to say if there’s friction then dip. But it does mean not ignoring read flags and not compromising your morals or ways of life. Some people need a clean home or to be told they are loved or like to watch the game. If your partner doesn’t mesh with those ideas and you feel a bit of resentment in changing, then that might be the compromise that would be considered settling. Although, I do feel growing and changing together is very powerful. For instance, a guy who is naturally disorganized getting with a girl who is very neat, could certainly benefit the both of them. With him learning to straighten up after himself and her possibly learning to loosen up a bit more. Sometimes those experiences can strengthen a bond and really galvanize a relationship.
Here’s The Thing, should you work through it or wait for the one? I don’t know. But it’s certainly something to think about. If you’re single, let me know about some past relationships and what you think. If you are in a relationship, let me know if they are the one or you “settled” and what you think. As always, Stay Relatable!