What people think vs. what you think

Late post alert. But better late than never right? But this weeks post is about balance. I feel like this is a pretty relatable topic. Everyone has some issue with overthinking or “not giving a fuck”.

On one hand, you have overthinking or caring too much about what other people think. This can keep you from doing things and build resentment and regret. All while second guessing yourself into stagnation. I understand that you must think before you act, but this is about overthinking. When you overthink, it’s usually because you care too much about what other people think. Which I feel is valid. The same way I feel like anyones experiences and opinions are valid. If someone thinks you are rude, right or wrong, that experience is true to them. So there is validity in how you present yourself to the world and how people interpret your existence.

On the other hand, you have “not giving a fuck” or just caring about what you think. This one seems to be becoming more and more popular, for its sense of liberation I’m guessing. If you have to be more one the the other I would say “don’t overthink shit”. Many times we are the ones that keep ourselves from our own goals through stagnation. Just do it. You might make mistakes or burn bridges but in a sense you’re falling forward, I guess. You need to have self confidence, but can’t become so self consumed that you create an echo chamber of your own ideas.

Here’s the Thing. You need a healthy balance of both. You need a thick skin and confidence in your own ideas and also to be sensitive to how you effect others. Sometimes we don’t give a fuck, like hangin or going out with friends, and other times we overthink shit, like getting nervous for a job interview. Find the balance.

Rest Day

I’m at an age where I seem to be getting more and more “life” advice. I was recently told that your 20’s are for learning about yourself, your 30’s are for grinding, and your 40’s are for enjoying it all. I liked the format, but it got me thinking about enjoying it all. I get that you have to work hard to play hard. But I want to play now. That’s why I thought I was getting a head start by trying to go into my grinding phase here in my late 20’s. I never liked how people had this idea of retiring when they are old. Why would you save all this money, to be too old to truly enjoy it. Take trips, be adventurous. I’m sure I have a “young mans” view of this. But I want to live life to the fullest, while I still have all my faculties to do so.

So I’ve started “grinding” to get ahead of the curve. I’ve been working everyday for the last month and a half now. No days off, working 2 jobs, getting on stage, going to the gym. But goddamn is it always on. I feel like I’m always thinking of my next move, without fully engaging in my current one. I need to take a step back and smell the roses.

So I took “a” morning shift off 😂🤷🏾‍♂️. I know it’s not a true rest day, since I still work 7 days a week. But it’s a start, and enough for me to get my head above water, and enjoy the waves, before I catch the next.

When I was growing up, I never liked the concept of work. I understood it, but always wondered why I couldn’t just get paid for being me. That’s what I “thought” a celebrity was. A person who was paid to be a walking billboard. But through comedy I think I found a way to actualize that dream. I can work on becoming the truest version of myself, and with success can eventually never “work” another day again.

Here’s The Thing. Life is about balance. And everyone has a different fulcrum point. Right not I feel like I’m playing see-saw by myself. But I know in time, I’ll feel like the blind scale of Lady Justice.

Mental Health

I’ve been wanting to write about this one for a while but haven’t felt the motivation after the spark. But I’ve been sick lately, and I have not been feeling myself.

Aside from the normal not being able to breathe and the constant headache, I’ve been in a heavy fog. I’ve felt drained of energy, lack my usual enthusiasm, and have had an ominous negative feeling hovering around. I used to think I was really in tune with my body and how it felt, but now I feel like it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

After talking to my mom, she asked if I had been drinking enough water and sleeping well. Both of which were a no. I’ve been trying to “do so much” with my time that I had overlooked those 2 important things. I can’t say that’s the reason, but it certainly hasn’t helped how I feel.

My original post was gonna be about getting in shape, and getting your body in a healthy place, so that you can have better mental health. Kind of in relation to overweight and unhealthy people having negative thoughts or world views. I know that when I’m in this fog, everything seems like so much more of a burden, like I can physically feel the weight of each thought and action. In this state it’s easy to lash out or blame others, but when I feel healthy, that fog is lifted and I feel free to move through this life untethered.

Here’s The Thing. I considered not doing this anymore. A lot lately. But I like to think that this is just temporary, and think when I’m out of this fog everything will be ok. It might not, I get that, but at least I would know that it wasn’t my health affecting my decisions. The same for mental health for unhealthy people. Get it shape for your own sake, and it might be possible you still feel the same way, but at least you’ll know for sure.

Kendama

Shout out to Alan aka @trashbeatsalan for putting me on to Kendama. I’m by no means “all in”, but have developed a real fascination for it. It’s a pretty basic ball on a string, attached to a stick game, but there’s so much room for creativity. I like to compare it to skateboarding. The equipment is very simple, and the concept is easy to understand, yet people still make the possibilities seem boundless. From either flipping or spinning the board to just landing the ball in a cup or on a the spike.

I think what I really love about it and so many other niche things, is the learning curve from beginner to high level. If you don’t already know, I love to slack line. And I discovered it when I went to California earlier this year. From afar it seems to defy physics and almost looks mystical. And once I tried, I realized it was extremely harder then they made it look. But after trying for a few hours and buying one when I got back to Jacksonville, I became pretty proficient at it myself. I’m far from professional, but certainly competent at that skill.

It started when I was younger, and my dad was teaching me how to play different instruments. He would tell me, “If you have 10 fingers and they have 10 fingers, the only difference between you and them is time.” I understood what he meant at the time, but even more so now. Music was so easy to relate too because it’s something you can emulate exactly. I had favorite athletes, but as much as I wanted to be like them, I could never recreate their greatest moments. But with music, you can play the exact song played by the artist, note for note, in time and all. There is an objective benchmark.

The reason why I love the learning curve is because it teaches you that anything really is possible if you dedicate yourself to it. When you pick up a kendama, you barely know how to hold it, but you instinctively know to put the ball on the cup. At first your pull is everywhere, until you start to find patterns and see what works. Then you start to hone your attempts until you can generate some consistency. From there you try more and more tricks, slowly developing your skill. Like I’ve mentioned in other blogs, after doing this with a lot of different things, you get good at learning, and develop patience and discipline. Those skills can be applied to anything you want in life.

When I first saw people doing kendama, they were doing flips and spikes and swings and it seemed so far off it looked “impossible” even “pointless”. Sometimes just like our dreams and goals, they seem so advanced, it seems almost pointless to even try. But from trying and learning how to get good at small things like “Kendama and Slack line”, I feel like it mentally helps me take on big things like pursuing comedy and becoming a better person.

Here’s The Thing. Some people might see it as a pointless toy I’ve unnecessarily been keeping with me, but to me it’s a reminder that there’s always room to grow and learn, and most importantly to have FUN.

Make Every Moment Count

Growing up I feel like everyone had an obsession with greatness and legends, or at least I did. Probably because I grew up pretty competitive. I’ve played almost all organized sports, besides hockey, and there was always a pressure to perform and succeed. As I developed role models I started to understand the difference between being good and being great.

For me, it was consistency. Anyone can make a good play or the right call once or twice. But what separates the Lebron’s and Tom Brady’s from the rest of the league, is the ability to do it day in and day out. There’s a saying that goes, “it’s one thing to get to the top, it’s another thing to stay there”. Everyone is focused on the top dog, and everyone brings their best to take them down. Even so, the Greats still find a way to get it done.

Another way I look at it is in relation to action movies and real life. In action movies, the hero always kicks ass and moves seamlessly from one villain to the next. But most people know in real life that would never happen. From training martial arts to watching UFC, I know that fights don’t happen like that. You would need a super “spidey-sense” to anticipate and read every opponents moves and react accordingly. Even then, it would be tough not to be stabbed or shot in the process.

Which brings me to my point. You need to make every moment count. Be the best version of yourself, in all things, at all times. Everyone has a vision of where they want to be and who they to become. Practice being that person everyday. Whether it’s waking up early, working out, or eating healthy. For me, it’s eating right, getting on stage, and saving money. There are so many moments and decisions throughout the day to do the right thing for yourself. What really reinforces that for me is knowing that if I don’t, I’m only cheating myself. For the most part, no one cares about you not reaching your goals besides maybe your spouse or family, for the fact that they might be effected if you don’t.

Here’s The Thing. “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they worked on it everyday!” Do the small things consistently, and before you know it, you’ll have an empire.

Fit out of Fear

Lately I’ve been really trying to get back on top on my fitness. I was working to free up some space on my computer and found an old college video of me, when I was working on my handstands. At the time, Instagram fitness was just blowing up, and I was going to the gym 6 times a week along with drinking protein shakes and taking supplements. I looked impressively ripped….to myself. Like at the time I didn’t think I was that big, and wish someone would have told me lol. But I bring that up, because it has re-motivated me to get back to that shape, then even better.

In all honesty, I choose to stay in shape out of fear. Fear of a lot of things, getting out of shape, fear of being lesser than others, or fear of a stupid death.

The first is the fear of getting out of shape. I realized at a young at that it is much easier to stay in shape than it is to get in shape. It’s such a slippery slope when you start to fall, whether it’s a relationship or an office job or kids. Life comes at you first and will sit you down and get you off your game. Once sedentary becomes a lifestyle, it’s very hard to re-motivate into action. Plus it’s a lot easier to keep a 6 pick when you can see them fade away, as opposed to trying to work off a gut and never having a visual representation of your progress until near the end. I never felt very attractive growing up, so I also stay fit out of fear of feeling unwanted. I don’t want to be ugly and out of shape. Even if you don’t think I’m good looking or cool to hang out with, I damn sure will not be repulsive to look at. Maybe it’s vain, but it helps me 🤷🏾‍♂️.

(Side note- also, who doesn’t want to hook up with an athlete?! Sex is way better with strength, cardio, and coordination.)

The second is a fear of being lesser than others. I think I’ve referenced before that I loved James Bond growing up and wanted to become a jack of all trades just like he was. He could do anything. From chase down a villain, to driving a helicopter, to surviving torture, and picking locks. We only get 1 flesh vessel in this life and I want to experience life to the fullest, and try all things. This requires me to be fit enough for all situations. I want to be able to do American Ninja Warrior if I wanted, or play basketball or run a marathon. I don’t like when people say, “I could never do that” or “now you’re just showing off”. I don’t want to feel lesser than anyone, so I stay fit enough to keep up with everyone.

The last is fear of a stupid death. I feel like if you can’t connect with the other 2, everyone can understand the fear of a stupid death. I work at a gym, and I always ask my clients who say they don’t like to run, “what would you do if there was a shooter at the mall or a terrorist attack?” Maybe it’s just how I think, but I don’t want to die because I couldn’t run a few miles without losing my breath. Or to fall off a cliff, because I can’t do even 1 pull-up to save myself. I want to be able to save myself, whether it’s running from danger or lifting something off of a friend or loved one, or pulling myself out of something. Having the basic physical confidence to know that I can run, jump, lift, or address any situation optimally is a huge motivation for me. Even as far as training in martial arts, and learning to defend myself. Most people say their adrenaline will kick in, but so will someone’s who is trained and fit. Maybe it’s just me, but why not have the advantage instead of hoping for luck. Not to mention maintaining a fit body to stay healthy and avoid self inflicted illness.

Here’s The Thing. I get body positivity and loving yourself. But love yourself enough to be afraid. To be afraid of losing your youthful vigor, to be afraid of being less than your worth, to be afraid of throwing it all away. Find what motivates you, but for me, I stay fit out of fear.