The old art of “The B of the D”, is something I think has long since been forgotten. Giving someone “the benefit of the doubt” is rare these days among a generation that fears rejection more than ever, rarely gives second chances (cancel culture), and is always posturing their nobility.
I think I’ve mentioned before that people are, the best “judge” of others, and the best “lawyer” for ourselves. Meaning, we can easily justify our own actions, thoughts, and behaviors, because we see our whole story; as opposed to others, who we judge based on a moment in time, and extrapolate as if that moment is an example of their lives.
Giving someone the benefit of the doubt, is making a conscious effort to reverse these roles. I often play devils advocate when talking to friends and family, because usually the party in question is not there to defend themselves. And not having any relation, I like to be as open as possible, to all motives and ideas that could be overlooked, unthought of, or ignored.
For example, if a friend came to me with advice about whether their spouse is cheating on them or not. I first assume the position that they enjoy each other and want to be together. So I might ask, why would they cheat? Then why do you think they are cheating, along with maybe some alternatives to explain the strange or insensitive behavior. In all honesty, I could be absolutely wrong, but it’s the “benefit”. If it someone they care about, why wouldn’t you give them that benefit? Without any actual proof or evidence, why would you default to a worse case scenario? Why not give them the grace of the best case scenario? In this way, I feel like I can manifest more positive energy. It’s the opposite of “ jumping to conclusions”. Whether their spouse is ultimately cheating or not, stewing in the worst case scenario or negative energy isn’t going to change the outcome or ease the passing of time until the real answer is revealed.
Here’s The Thing, the “B of the D” is allowing the future to stay in the future, while making the most of the present. It’s not letting the anxiety of the inevitable, overcome the actuality of the now. There are no victims when giving “the B of the D”. The BoTD is the grey area between black and white. And I like to think of that grey glass of water, as half full.