Fit out of Fear

Lately I’ve been really trying to get back on top on my fitness. I was working to free up some space on my computer and found an old college video of me, when I was working on my handstands. At the time, Instagram fitness was just blowing up, and I was going to the gym 6 times a week along with drinking protein shakes and taking supplements. I looked impressively ripped….to myself. Like at the time I didn’t think I was that big, and wish someone would have told me lol. But I bring that up, because it has re-motivated me to get back to that shape, then even better.

In all honesty, I choose to stay in shape out of fear. Fear of a lot of things, getting out of shape, fear of being lesser than others, or fear of a stupid death.

The first is the fear of getting out of shape. I realized at a young at that it is much easier to stay in shape than it is to get in shape. It’s such a slippery slope when you start to fall, whether it’s a relationship or an office job or kids. Life comes at you first and will sit you down and get you off your game. Once sedentary becomes a lifestyle, it’s very hard to re-motivate into action. Plus it’s a lot easier to keep a 6 pick when you can see them fade away, as opposed to trying to work off a gut and never having a visual representation of your progress until near the end. I never felt very attractive growing up, so I also stay fit out of fear of feeling unwanted. I don’t want to be ugly and out of shape. Even if you don’t think I’m good looking or cool to hang out with, I damn sure will not be repulsive to look at. Maybe it’s vain, but it helps me 🤷🏾‍♂️.

(Side note- also, who doesn’t want to hook up with an athlete?! Sex is way better with strength, cardio, and coordination.)

The second is a fear of being lesser than others. I think I’ve referenced before that I loved James Bond growing up and wanted to become a jack of all trades just like he was. He could do anything. From chase down a villain, to driving a helicopter, to surviving torture, and picking locks. We only get 1 flesh vessel in this life and I want to experience life to the fullest, and try all things. This requires me to be fit enough for all situations. I want to be able to do American Ninja Warrior if I wanted, or play basketball or run a marathon. I don’t like when people say, “I could never do that” or “now you’re just showing off”. I don’t want to feel lesser than anyone, so I stay fit enough to keep up with everyone.

The last is fear of a stupid death. I feel like if you can’t connect with the other 2, everyone can understand the fear of a stupid death. I work at a gym, and I always ask my clients who say they don’t like to run, “what would you do if there was a shooter at the mall or a terrorist attack?” Maybe it’s just how I think, but I don’t want to die because I couldn’t run a few miles without losing my breath. Or to fall off a cliff, because I can’t do even 1 pull-up to save myself. I want to be able to save myself, whether it’s running from danger or lifting something off of a friend or loved one, or pulling myself out of something. Having the basic physical confidence to know that I can run, jump, lift, or address any situation optimally is a huge motivation for me. Even as far as training in martial arts, and learning to defend myself. Most people say their adrenaline will kick in, but so will someone’s who is trained and fit. Maybe it’s just me, but why not have the advantage instead of hoping for luck. Not to mention maintaining a fit body to stay healthy and avoid self inflicted illness.

Here’s The Thing. I get body positivity and loving yourself. But love yourself enough to be afraid. To be afraid of losing your youthful vigor, to be afraid of being less than your worth, to be afraid of throwing it all away. Find what motivates you, but for me, I stay fit out of fear.

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