Episode 142: California of the South

Plato’s Closet, Minshew mania, North Korean flash drives, Dean got rear ended, Zack wants to start a t-shirt company and the ice cream truck is racist.

MLMA (@melovemealot) – Viral

Joe Ely – Gallo Del Cielo

California’s Not a Dream

One year ago today, I moved from Florida to good ol’ expensive ass California – to have all my dreams and savings crushed into nothing so I’d inevitably start considering creating that sugardaddy.com  profile after all. Nah, I’m playing…my dreams aren’t all crushed yet, my sugar daddy will definitely pay my student loans. Aside from realizing how real all the rumors were about Cali, like the traffic..and that it is in fact, really f**king expensive..I feel good about my move. Yea, I’m baaaasically broke…But I am having THE time of my life.  I can’t stress enough the amount of times this year alone I’ve had to take a moment to myself, breathe in, and think, “I did this.” I created this life for myself, and this life really is mine. I have a whole group of amazing new friends, I’ve been to countless festivals (ahem…yes Coachella included, duh), I had a surprise birthday party, I’m co-producing a comedy show next month…Guys, I even tried standup comedy for the first time…and for a first time it was pretty damn cool, PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS FUNNY!Crazyiknowright. It’s just been that fantastic and that alone has been unbelievable to me at times. I value my experiences and having the memories that I do so much more than any material thing. Over the years I’ve constantly looked back on my 20s with mostly smiles on my face – not just about all the tough lessons and adversity I have overcome trying to figure out who I really was blah blah etc.., but on all the late reckless nights and adventures I’ve been on too. These are the things that will last a lifetime. And guys, I just landed a new kick ass job – so I won’t be so broke anymore! Goodbye glucose father! &Like yea, CA is probably still going to rape me financially…but I guess that’s just the price I’m paying for some “priceless” experiences, sprinkled with an immeasurable wealth of personal growth and…yea I gotta say it, self-love. I’m technically rich AF!!!


I always end up hating my job. I can’t tell if it’s because I don’t want to work for other people or because I’ve always signed up to work for the wrong people. Now before you think I’m taking shots at my direct managers, I’m not, I actually appreciate the people I interact and work for. I’m not above or better than anyone, I’ve just always had problems with the way companies are run…especially big companies that I’ve been apart of during my office “career”. Companies get so big that they can’t possibly be efficient. They get so big that employees within the company (especially myself) feel like nothing they do as an impact or matters. I work for a giant healthcare company now. They have so many “benefit” programs and miscellaneous publications that I wonder if they want to stick to their core competencies at all or they just want to skim off of the people who earn money for them.

My first job was cashiering for Al’s Pizza. I loved that place and it was the perfect fit for a high school stoner. I’d smoke a bowl in the back parking lot before work, put in my 4-6 hours and then dip out with free pizza. Ah, back when times were much simpler. It wasn’t rewarding but it served a purpose at that time in my life. It taught me about punctuality and serving others.

Next, I worked as filing clerk for a law firm. I actually made pretty decent money but as you know, lawyers aren’t the most fascinating of people. It turned me off from pursuing law as I realized I was having the same interactions and I eventually got bored after exactly a year. After all, I only took up an office job to prove to my parents that I was professional enough to work for the family company. So, after almost exactly a year, I put my notice in and decided to work alongside my parents.

Working with and for my parents will be a separate post in itself. That’s WAY too much to get in to right now. I think you all understand.

After I realized I wasn’t exactly a chip off the ole block, I got a job at a comedy club. That was the most fun job I’ve ever had but it just didn’t pay enough for the time I put in. I love comedy but I value my time and sanity more than laughs and free nachos, so I eventually had to move on from that.

Then I worked for a “logistics” company. Basically, my job was to sell “lanes” to truck drivers to move freight from Point A to Point B. It was an experience. I got to learn about the backbone of American trade while earning a decent paycheck. Eventually my girlfriend and I made the decision to move away from home in Jacksonville, Florida and head north to where I reside today, in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

That leads me back to the healthcare company I currently work for. Now, I have to throw some caveats in about my earlier comments on inefficiency. In my current employer’s defense, The United State’s healthcare system is so fucked up that I don’t think it’s possible to run an efficient business in it. There are just too many patients and hospitals and doctors and illnesses and accidents that there’s almost no way things can run smoothly. I don’t want to get too much in the weeds here but big companies like the one I work for just seem too big and cumbersome to navigate not only the healthcare industry but the world around it. There are complex systems and devoted employees that revolve around things that don’t add value. Things like PTO software, internal online shopping stores for knickknacks, company specific podcasts and the like are byproducts of a bloated business entity. I might have lost most of you and that’s because I can’t be too specific right now (for obvious reasons). Some of you feel my pain though. Like why did my company rent out a football stadium for our annual Christmas party? Couldn’t they have just given everyone bonuses and boosted “morale” that way?

What I’m getting at with all of this is that I don’t think most people are job compatible. At least, I know I’m not. I need to figure out how to stop working for people and move away from the “income to live” trap. I can’t stand when people say, “Be your own boss”, because I never want to look or think of myself as a “boss” but I want to eventually be free of a set schedule and predefined expectations as to what my output should be.

I want to wake up everyday with the freedom to do exactly what I want, create value in people’s lives and ultimately be self sustainable. I guess that kind of starts with this website. I want it to work for me but that won’t happen until I bring something of value to the people who visit. That’s where you come in.

What could I possibly do to create value in your life? What do you want me to research and refine so you don’t have to? Just let me know, I’m all ears (and eyes).


Daily Blog #4

I don’t really feel like writing today, so here are some one-liners I’ve put together over the last few weeks. You can only steal them if you say them on stage.

-The word “quench” makes me thirsty.

– I think flat-earthers are just trying to get a free trip to space.

-There should be a three drink MAXIMUM.

-Fuck cancer? You might not have cancer if you were a little nicer.

-Lesbians have the best weed (not a joke, just a fact).

-Boxed water should taste like pussy.

-Why aren’t there wallet chains for your phone?

-Struggle is like chickenpox, the earlier you get it the better. (idunno)

-I’d rather buy tampons than WhiteClaws.

-I bet the hardest part about dating Ariana Grande (for Pete Davidson) was having to pretend her music was good.

– Saw a post from a girl holding a bridesmaid coffee mug with the caption “No Greater Honor”…how many pats on the back do women want?

-You can usually tell one’s race by how long their hashtags are.

-I’ve never really gotten a backhanded compliment…they all feel like fore-handed “Fuck Yous”, to me.

-I will NEVER speak in absolutes EVER again.

-All dogs are rescues, if you think about it.

-Ultimatums are threats with longer timelines.

-I once tried to kill my sister’s cat with allergy medicine.

-High heels are just portable squatty potties.

-Long, drawn out sex is a lie developed by Big Porn.

-*eats Non-GMO* …. *smokes California weed*….

-If there were no refs in MMA, would the guy who knocked the other guy out just keep going?! Sheesh.

These are bad, I know.

Episode 74: 4/20…Three!

4/20 came a little late for The Relatables this year but they obviously made time to celebrate by dropping some of their favorite stoner movie scenes while (barely) talking about their experiences with the ol’ devil’s kale. In this episode, Dean gets invited to his first sub-only jiu jitsu tournament and talks about how religion is brainwashing our minds, while Zack brings up the “Chin-Wrinkle-Wave” and cultural appropriation. The guys also call in a special guest, give a shout out to Gucci Mane, and discuss the difference between wisdom and knowledge. Please like, share, subscribe and as always, Stay Relatable!





Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story – Marijuana Scene

How High – Got Blunt, Got Weed?

Dazed and Confused – It’d Be A lot Cooler If You Did

Half Baked – Sir Smokes A Lot

Friday – Smokey and Craig smokin’ weed

Up In Smoke – Car Scene

Chance The Rapper – Same Drugs

Thanks for listening! Please like and comment/ leave a review. To contact us for questions, feedback, and/ or support e-mail us at: TheRelatablesPodcast@gmail.com or TheRelatables.com

Episode 54: I Love Jacksonville (w/ Ryan Bass)

What could possibly be the most informative episode of the podcast, political hopeful, Ryan Bass, comes by the studio to release a heavy intellectual load into the minds of The Relatables. His math/political science background shaped the conversation as the guys delve through both local and national hot-button issues. They shed light on topics such as: gun control, Ryan’s work with Congressman Rutherford, Jacksonville’s economy and our President-Elect Donald Trump.

You can tell from the interview that whether it’s behind the scenes or in the spotlight, Ryan is poised to make a difference. It was a honor for The Relatables to sit down and pick his brain. Please like, share, subscribe and as always, Stay Relatable!

Green Day – Holiday

Infinite of Tal-kin Trees – I’m From Duval

Thanks for listening! Please like and comment/ leave a review. To contact us for questions, feedback, and/ or support e-mail us at: TheRelatablesPodcast@gmail.com