Work through it vs Find “The One”

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it…

-Maya Angelou

This quote is scary, because it’s so relatably true. I think everyone has an understanding of “settling”, but as we look at our own lives we can be the best lawyers of ourselves and the best judges of others. Meaning, we can make excuses for ourselves and defend our actions, justifying the things we do, much easier then we can for others. When we look at others we are much more objective and tend to overlook the nuances and subtleties we give ourselves credit for.

I say that to frame the question, “what is the balance of waiting for THE ONE or working through it?” I referenced this conversation in my last the post. A lot of people are afraid to “settle”, thinking that somehow they have sold themselves short and deserve more. These same people often never find someone who meets their standard, and it made me think about relationships in a weird way.

Granted, I am writing from the perspective of a single man, who isn’t in love or feel like they’ve found the one. So I do feel like my opinion will change when/if I do find the one for me. But is it better to find someone that is 70% or even 90% of your standard and grow and develop with them, or to stay true to yourself and wait for the perfect someone to exceed your standards?

On one hand I want to be rational and think that the chances are very low that you meet the “perfect” person. And if so, if you would even be the perfect person for them. For example I’m sure a lot of women see Brad Pitt as a great catch, but to Brad Pitt, he might not see all those women in the same light. So I would think there would have to be some sort of compromise from both sides to find mutual peace.

But on the other hand, why would you ever sell yourself short? Why settle? Life is too short. I think having the confidence in yourself to know your worth is a special trait as well. You certainly take the risk of living life alone, but with great risk comes great reward. “Holding out” or not settling could help you build the character and confidence to know exactly what you want, and take advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself. And maybe I’m a romantic, but I feel like there would be no better feeling then knowing you found THE ONE.

I understand that all relationships take work, whether they are the one or not. So this isn’t to say if there’s friction then dip. But it does mean not ignoring read flags and not compromising your morals or ways of life. Some people need a clean home or to be told they are loved or like to watch the game. If your partner doesn’t mesh with those ideas and you feel a bit of resentment in changing, then that might be the compromise that would be considered settling. Although, I do feel growing and changing together is very powerful. For instance, a guy who is naturally disorganized getting with a girl who is very neat, could certainly benefit the both of them. With him learning to straighten up after himself and her possibly learning to loosen up a bit more. Sometimes those experiences can strengthen a bond and really galvanize a relationship.

Here’s The Thing, should you work through it or wait for the one? I don’t know. But it’s certainly something to think about. If you’re single, let me know about some past relationships and what you think. If you are in a relationship, let me know if they are the one or you “settled” and what you think. As always, Stay Relatable!

Emotional Footprint

With 2019 coming to an end, we are one year closer to depleting our planet of its precious resources. Topics like climate change and renewable resources have entered debates and people are starting to become more aware of their carbon/environmental footprint.

People are recycling, making a conscious effort not to support certain businesses, and even buying cars all with the longevity of the planet in mind. People are slowly accepting that the earth is a finite resource and making decisions that will place as little impact on its ecosystem as possible.

I say that to say this. I feel like people are slowly starting to acknowledge their emotional footprint as well. Understanding how much of an impact their actions can have on others and future generations down the line.

I know that part of the reason I want to be a good and better person is because I don’t want to have a high emotional footprint. I have definitely done some bad things in my past; cheated, hooked up with people in relationships, lied, etc. But as an older man I can see how those actions have a trickle effect on people later in life, affecting the decisions they make, partners they choose, how they treat people, and even how they raise their kids.

I don’t want my legacy or lasting memory to be a negative one. I feel like the most extreme of these cases are of coarse death, whether accidental or intentional. The rationalization of it and the people it leaves behind. Or abuse, sexual, physical, emotional, etc. Acts like these effect people’s lives in ways that cause generational ripples in behavior.

I want to have a positive emotional footprint. I want to be a catalyst to be a better person, for the sake of doing the “right” thing. I want to pay it forward, not for karma, but because I can. It’s something I’ve had to work on as I grew up and matured. But I have a problem with giving when I can and not saving when I need to. I’m happy to help family and friends, even strangers in need when I have the means to do so. And I think that piggybacks on my last post about life being hard hard.

Here’s The Thing. I just want to bring the thought of an emotional footprint to your consciousness. The more aware people are of this, the more we can do to Live this life, and less Survive it.

The same way we are taking steps to save our planet, we can a apply to our lives (rough metaphor). Consider recycling people instead of throwing them away, talk to them and have mature emotional conversations that can salvage a relationship, as opposed to calling any friction in your life, toxic energy. Just like we are making the transition off of fossil fuels to renewable resources, hold yourself accountable to the truth, no white lies, and gain energy from a cleaner fuel, as opposed to bending the truth to “get by”.

My dad used to always tell me, “to leave things better than I found them.” From cleaning up after myself when I go places, to picking up others trash, it planted a seed for me to leave a positive Emotional Footprint.

Life is Hard

I’m not gonna mince words here. It is what it is. Life is hard…really fuckin hard. I was joking with Zack about how growing up is like slowly realizing that you’re not special and don’t have super powers. Like it takes 30 years to realize you’re not Harry Potter.

I don’t mean for this to seem depressing, but I think people are sad. I think people are sad and lonely and it drives them to make a lot of their day to day and even life decisions.

I was talking to a friend about relationships and settling (that’s a whole other post), but my point of view was ultimately that life is hard, and people don’t so much settle as they find someone who makes life suck a little less. From the outside, you can see the toxic energy, but from the inside, it’s just enough better to get through the day and make it to tomorrow.

It’s the same with staying in shape and being fit. Whether it’s restricting your diet and activities or working at a calorie deficit to lose weight, it’s not easy. My dad has a saying, “Just cause it’s simple, doesn’t mean it’s easy,” and it’s so true about life. Temporary mouth pleasure often outweighs long term goals. And a sedentary lifestyle is so much easier than waking up early for work to squeeze in a run, workout, or stretch. A buddy of mine recently changed his life after watching a short video about how if you don’t have 15 minutes a day to improve yourself, what are you really doing? That’s about 1% of your day. Yet still, people are convinced they are too busy because it’s so much easier to fill the void than to live in the void (the void that is the mystery of life).

It’s the reason why so few of us actually attain their dream of “success”- not just money or status, but the dedication to see something through; the dedication to actualize a thought. It’s so much easier to consume and numb the pain of rejection or failure than to create and feel the friction of experience.

As usual, I start with a thought and trail into a rant, but I think I said enough. I try to see the beauty and silver lining in everything because I feel the sadness and uselessness of everything.

Much To Do About Nothing

I think part of the reason social media is so popular and alluring, is cause it allows people to be a shitty uninvolved friend, without feeling the guilt or loneliness. I realized last week that I have a lot of friends on social media (*a lot to me*), but only truly interact with a handful of them. I do know all my friends personally, or at least the people I follow (*besides celebrities*). This is starting to have a few more Astriss than I would’ve liked, but no matter, no matter. I was thinkin about how if I didn’t see these peoples’ post or pictures, I wouldn’t think about these people. I don’t talk to them daily or see them often, I don’t hit them up when I’m bored or when I need something. In that thought, I felt like those “friends” were just extras with weak backstories. It made me feel guilty for not being a better friend or being more involved.

Here’s the thing, just like a healthy diet will lead to a fit lifestyle. A healthy social media diet will lead to healthy mental health. Sometimes I forget that we are a byproduct of what we consume and I get sucked into the limitless that is the internet. And after I get my fill, on what whatever it is, Instagram, YouTube, etc. I still feel empty. It’s like the bag of chips you thought you wanted. Then you eat the whole bag and your not full, and you still feel the need to eat something of substance. That’s usually when I throw on a podcast and try to do something in the real world.

I touched on it in my last post, but I think people need to be aware of social media, and focus more of their relationships in real life. That last bit sounds a bit preachy, but I think it’s cause I’m talking to myself and I need to hear it. Lately I feel like I’ve felt lonelier than usual and it feels good to “fuck off” and be average. But like I’ve said before. “If you knew better, you would do better.” And I know better…

Frequency

I think I believe in love a first sight, or at least lust at first sight. But I’m not sure if I believe in soul mates. It’s a weird place to start, I know, but I’ll get there.

Maybe I’m negative, but when it comes to the sheer numbers, I think it would be a pretty sick joke to put your soul mate on the other side of the planet, or the next city over for that matter. I believe that people vibrate at different frequencies. Usually people vibrate pretty similar to their friend group. The same way “ladies” periods will line up if they live together 🤷🏾‍♂️. Or the way you can tell someone is from the South or foreign. Aside from vibrating on that cultural wave, people have very unique tones, based on their experiences, influences, and aspirations.

I don’t know if it’s confidence or charisma. But there is something about either having your shit together or not giving a fuck, that people can just smell on you. It’s like people have evolved to sense the realness in others. And with all the posturing and flexing, there’s something subconscious that people feel when you are genuine. It’s been my experience, that when I am truly in the moment, not caring about who is watching, or how I may look, and free of expectation. That’s when I seem to ring at my truest tone. Things seem to fall into place. I just seem like I’m in the right place at the right time, way more often. Meet new people, get invited to do new things, and am open to learning lessons that I don’t think I normally would be.

I know I said I’d get there, but idk where I was going. This is more about just being yourself and letting it ring true, to attract the positive energy that comes from vibrating at your own frequency.

Real People

🚨 Political Post 🚨

I’ve noticed from my interactions on Facebook that Conservatives are very willing to talk and debate ideas. While on the other hand Liberals are more likely to laugh at the idea, talk down, or not make it worth their time.

I’m wondering if others have had this same experience. I think it’s because a lot of liberal ideas are emotion and utopia based, where as many conservative ideas are more rooted in application.

I do want to say that I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t quite know what I identify as- “liberal”, if I had to guess, but when I interact with conservatives online, they make some points. I don’t know enough to argue, so I usually just try to listen or ask questions and learn as much as I can about either side but like I said earlier, liberals usually aren’t as forthcoming with thier ideas, usually assuming that you’re either already on board or that ship has left. I think it’s “sexy” to some people to be associated with ideas or a movement. And with social media as polarizing as it is, if you don’t know how to feel, you are part of the problem.

I think Chris Rock said it best in one of his specials. He said something to the effect of, “No one is 100% one thing. Anyone that makes up their mind before they hear the issue is a fool. There are some things I’m liberal about and other things I’m conservative about. Crime. I’m conservative. Prostitution. I’m liberal”. Shout out to Chris, but I think in this day and age, nuance isn’t sexy (especially not in the news). We are the generation of texts, vines and Snapchat. Our attention spans seem to be getting shorter, and with that the news has become more polarizing.

I started this thinking I was going to make a post for Facebook,but realized I’m not that person. Maybe I’ll repost this, if anyone will read it. On some subliminal level, I feel like talking to real people is the best way to form opinions. Articles can be skewed, corrected, have agendas…all kinds of things. Plus, I don’t know those people. It’s the same reason I don’t like or listen to Rotten Tomatoes film reviews. I dont know those people and they don’t know me. So why would I take their advice on a movie I might really enjoy? I know I’m young, and will probably grow out of these ideas, but when you feel inspired for “Here’s The Thing”, you let it flow.

I’m just a stereotype of a black male misunderstood, but it’s still all good.