Category: Podcast

I’m not gonna mince words here. It is what it is. Life is hard…really fuckin hard. I was joking with Zack about how growing up is like slowly realizing that you’re not special and don’t have super powers. Like it takes 30 years to realize you’re not Harry Potter.

I don’t mean for this to seem depressing, but I think people are sad. I think people are sad and lonely and it drives them to make a lot of their day to day and even life decisions.

I was talking to a friend about relationships and settling (that’s a whole other post), but my point of view was ultimately that life is hard, and people don’t so much settle as they find someone who makes life suck a little less. From the outside, you can see the toxic energy, but from the inside, it’s just enough better to get through the day and make it to tomorrow.

It’s the same with staying in shape and being fit. Whether it’s restricting your diet and activities or working at a calorie deficit to lose weight, it’s not easy. My dad has a saying, “Just cause it’s simple, doesn’t mean it’s easy,” and it’s so true about life. Temporary mouth pleasure often outweighs long term goals. And a sedentary lifestyle is so much easier than waking up early for work to squeeze in a run, workout, or stretch. A buddy of mine recently changed his life after watching a short video about how if you don’t have 15 minutes a day to improve yourself, what are you really doing? That’s about 1% of your day. Yet still, people are convinced they are too busy because it’s so much easier to fill the void than to live in the void (the void that is the mystery of life).

It’s the reason why so few of us actually attain their dream of “success”- not just money or status, but the dedication to see something through; the dedication to actualize a thought. It’s so much easier to consume and numb the pain of rejection or failure than to create and feel the friction of experience.

As usual, I start with a thought and trail into a rant, but I think I said enough. I try to see the beauty and silver lining in everything because I feel the sadness and uselessness of everything.

I think part of the reason social media is so popular and alluring, is cause it allows people to be a shitty uninvolved friend, without feeling the guilt or loneliness. I realized last week that I have a lot of friends on social media (*a lot to me*), but only truly interact with a handful of them. I do know all my friends personally, or at least the people I follow (*besides celebrities*). This is starting to have a few more Astriss than I would’ve liked, but no matter, no matter. I was thinkin about how if I didn’t see these peoples’ post or pictures, I wouldn’t think about these people. I don’t talk to them daily or see them often, I don’t hit them up when I’m bored or when I need something. In that thought, I felt like those “friends” were just extras with weak backstories. It made me feel guilty for not being a better friend or being more involved.

Here’s the thing, just like a healthy diet will lead to a fit lifestyle. A healthy social media diet will lead to healthy mental health. Sometimes I forget that we are a byproduct of what we consume and I get sucked into the limitless that is the internet. And after I get my fill, on what whatever it is, Instagram, YouTube, etc. I still feel empty. It’s like the bag of chips you thought you wanted. Then you eat the whole bag and your not full, and you still feel the need to eat something of substance. That’s usually when I throw on a podcast and try to do something in the real world.

I touched on it in my last post, but I think people need to be aware of social media, and focus more of their relationships in real life. That last bit sounds a bit preachy, but I think it’s cause I’m talking to myself and I need to hear it. Lately I feel like I’ve felt lonelier than usual and it feels good to “fuck off” and be average. But like I’ve said before. “If you knew better, you would do better.” And I know better…

I bombed my standup set for the first time last week.  It was in front of about 20 strangers.  I was so embarrassed that I thought about putting the mic down and running off stage. But, I didn’t and finished my set strong – even though by then I’m sure my awkward stage presence had already stifled any genuine laughs I was going to get.

 

While I felt like I was sitting in a fat L, I still knew I won something too. I have a better understanding now, that every comedian fails because it’s just part of the job.  And there is a “right” way to fail too.  Instead of giving up and running away, I faced the crickets and distant chuckles as if I was addressing my entourage of fans on TMZ.  I learned that without failure, you simply cannot succeed at standup.  Because in comedy, failure is as inherent to standup as death is to life. Just like you can’t escape dying, you can’t avoid bombing (forever).  I reminded myself of the comedians I’ve seen at the highest levels get boo’d off stage and yet here I was,  getting a big head – thinking I might be a natural and so proud of myself for excelling at something I said I wanted to try for the first time.  Bombing gave me a much needed humbled respect for the craft – and I think everyone could use it in their lives, because I’ve heard countless people suggest that they should or could do standup after I mention it’s one of my latest hobbies…(Nike, just do it y’all).

 

This shit ain’t for everybody and it certainly ain’t easy. That means even if your first, second, or third sets go extremely well – 1. Keep going, and 2. Your fourth might be the one.  I always question why I put myself through this when I walk up on stage.  I’m not trying to make it big, prove anything (other than being able to say I’m funny), or adding it to my resume.  In truth, it’s the feeling I get when I hear those first chuckles, almost like they didn’t expect me to say the things I had to say.  I love making people laugh…friends, co-workers, strangers – It doesn’t matter.  I have yet to come across anything more empowering than getting under a spotlight and commanding an entire room to react the way I want them to react – with joy.  If bombing is part of the journey towards getting to those priceless moments, I welcome it with open arms.