Episode 135: Crowd of Lonelys

Like everyone else, Epstein is on the brain. Zack talks his self sabotaging ways and Dean opens up about not opening up in relationships.

Ugly God – Batman


Check out the official video for “Hubris” on Spirit’s site here.


Considering you’re reading this on one of your many devices, doing shit you don’t care about is unnecessary. I don’t mean the every day things e.g., brushing your teeth, doing the dishes, taking your baby for a walk- of course all of those are necessary activities. I think big life things, like what you do to make money, who you spend your time with and just overall how you spend your time is way more in your control than you think. Your boring/unfulfilling job, that partner that adds tension and anxiety, and the agony of you not chasing your passion day after day can go away quicker than a rat snap. That shit is unnecessary.

Sure, most of us need jobs to survive but not at the mental expense that most of us don’t even realize. I’ve always heard that a salary never made anyone rich and with almost 13 years of vastly different job experience, it’s starting to ring alarmingly true. My goal isn’t to be rich but instead to one day have personal satisfaction and piece of mind in knowing  that I am self-sustainable without burden on other people. This goal will never happen as long as I to pursue mid-level management at some company that doesn’t really care about me or what my goals are outside of said company. People think they have assurance and security at big, established firms but at the end of the day, they’re putting their futures in the hands of people who only see them as a box in a hierarchy connected by segmented lines. I think this reality for them deep down in their subconscious and comes out through PTA beefs, stamp collections and too many happy hours. That shit is sad and unnecessary.

People need people, that’s true. It’s also true that people can be your biggest downfall. We all have an archetype built in for people we meet in our life, even if we don’t realize it. We trust the doughy, well kept, fair-skinned mom type because of movies and maternal figures in our lives and are attracted to hour glass figured, high heeled women because of the same type of thing (movies and media). That kind of stuff creeps in with your partners as well. Physical attraction is a motherfucker because it can trick our brains in to thinking a person is good for us even though all signs point to the contrary. The bottom line is, if your partner doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or doesn’t make you a better person, ya dip. That shit is unnecessary.

Most (if not all) of what I’m saying has been said and harped on before but I know there’s at least one of you that needed to read these words today. I don’t think my blog post is going to change your life but it could be one more grain of sand tilting the scale towards making a decision to change…and I’ll take that. Just remember that the things you choose to do everyday and the people you choose to be around should lift you up and make you better. If not, ya dip. That shit is unnecessary.

Episode 130: Ice Brudda

RIP to Mrs. Dog the Bounty Hunter. The pod starts with heavy UFC talk (skip to about 20 mins in if you’re not down) and eventually gets to Dean detailing his first PAID stand-up gig, Hawaii prostitution laws and a new business brainstorm sesh. SHOP THROUGH THE AMAZON LINK (on the site) TO SUPPORT THE SHOW.


wifisfuneral – 30for30

Aminé – Faces + Places

Appreciate Suggestion

One of my favorite movies growing up was “Annie” (the 1982 version). You bet your bottom dollar I’m not afraid to admit it. Stop rolling your eyes. Don’t be a Ms. Hannigan, that shit was FIRE. I’d stay at my grandma’s house once a month and insist she put that and “The NeverEnding Story” on a loop. I was content. Fast forward 20 years later and I can’t appreciate shit. I mean, I appreciate things but I don’t ever reexamine them. Why can’t we do that as adults? I feel like when we were kids we could watch a movie over and over and over again but when we get older we think we get it the first time around. We think we understand someone’s art while we halfheartedly watch with phones in our hand. Maybe our brains are trying to cut through the bullshit. Maybe we’re not interested because we know it’s a waste of time or maybe we don’t care because we feel like we’ve seen it before. I know my brain does both of those things. Any time someone suggests a new show or movie to me, I’m very skeptical. I guess it depends on who has suggested it (especially if they’ve wasted my time before) but usually I can sniff out why I don’t like their suggestion within the first five or ten minutes. This is a mechanism designed to comfort my brain. By picking it apart, I allow myself a rationalize why it’s a waste of time and get back to what I know I think I like. That last sentence made total sense, believe me. I shit on people all the time for being in their communal echo chambers (the far right and the far left) when I live completely in my own.

I’ve gotten pretty far from Annie in this post. It’s starting to feel like “The Neverending Blog”. Bottom line is I’m going to start taking suggestions more seriously- sans phone in hand.

Sleep on It

I was trying to get this done before the melatonin started to hit. I think it’s too late. I Googled “Why is my brain in a fog” today and wasn’t surprised at the results. It was so obvious that I laughed out loud. I mean, obviously if you don’t get enough sleep and aren’t eating adequately, you tend to get a little spacey. It’s so funny to think about how smart I think I am and then when I actually examine my behaviors, they clearly aren’t those of an intelligent person. I don’t know. Melatonin gotta nilla* wafered, nawmeen? I’m out. I hope Kawhi and Drake get the win tonight. We’ll see in the morning.


*nilla– a term coined by the comedian Andrew Shultz close in meaning to the slang African-American “n-word” referring to one’s confidant or compadre

ie. “I was pulling out of work yesterday and this nilla in a turtleneck totally cut me off.”

Firin’ From the Hip

I’d apologize for my absence but I know you didn’t miss me. I’ve got 9 minutes to pump out this bad boy so let me just fill you in a little about what my brain’s been buzzing’ on and then I’ll hit the sack…and then go to bed. Hiyo! I was going to make an excuse for why I haven’t written in a while but even I rolled my eyes at it. I’ve just been lazy. There’s no way around it. I’ve also been a little bit on the unhinged side of the cabinet. Yesterday I bitched out a kid who tried to commit suicide through Instagram DM’s. It’s weird though because I don’t even feel that bad about it. This kid is a good dude, a smart dude but he just annoys the shit out of me. He complains and bitches and moans and groans to a point that’s intolerable. Most of his wounds are self inflicted yet he still seems to find the worse in everything that anyone creates or puts out. I’m a little drunk and trying to be somewhat protective of his identity but I think you kind of get the gist of what kind of person he is. It’s the dude who shits on everything and thinks he’s smarter and more aware than everyone. Anywho, apparently he tried to kill himself by O.D.’ing and then he made an Instagram post telling everyone about it and how it lead to him taking a sabbatical from his podcast. It was a real “Facebook Folly” (because Facebook owns Instagram). I have no idea why but it just rubbed me the wrong way. It just seemed like he did it and then told everyone about it to get attention, then he got all snarky with me when I was trying to reach out. I thought about it a little today and realized why I got so cunty. I still think what I said was justified and stuff he needed someone to tell him but the reason I got so personal is because I think we’re similar in a lot of ways. Honestly, I don’t really know this person, we’re just acquaintances from high school but he annoys me because when I hear him talk he reminds me too much of myself. I’m cynical and tear shit down without knowing what went in to making it or trying to think from another person’s perspective. I think most of us get annoyed when we see people exhibit the same characteristics we don’t like about ourselves. I’m not saying anything new here and I’m kind of getting into the weeds so I’ll just cut it off here. I’ll be back tomorrow.