You Will Love Again

by The Relatables, posted in Just Jade

My first heartbreak was about three years ago.  I was so angsty that I found myself Googling dumb articles like “How long will it take to get over my ex?” (PSA Google said to add 6 months for every 3 months you were together, it’s basic fundamental math).  But after the time that flawless equation summed up came and went – I was still thinking of this guy!  He’d come up randomly for no apparent reason and I’d get a small missing pang in my guts (I later found out this had to do with the fact that I had illegal surgery performed in a back ally to remove my kidney).

Getting over my ex felt like I was training for a marathon.  Except the end result, at least to me, was even more worthwhile because of who it made me today.  Now, I try to bring myself back to that time and how I’d wake up in the middle of the night wanting him back, or how I convinced myself I would never be the same me again…And I just can’t relate anymore.  I want to write about it to seem relatable to everyone who has or is going through the unspeakable right now, but I’m so past it that it just feels – phony – to try to be poetic about someone who shit in my cereal three years ago. Put it like this, recalling how bent out of shape I was over this dude would be like trying to put your poop back in your butt. Now that you have a nice visual, I decided to instead sum up some of the major takeaways I got from the entire experience…if you’re going through something like this, or you already have, I hope it resonates with you.

  1. You will get through this.
  2. You won’t be the same ‘you’ that you were, you’ll be a better version.
  3. I remember the very day I got over to the other side of the plateau (this is very important) – it was the day I let go of ALL HOPE that we would get back together one day.  As long as you hold onto hope, you will not move on.  When you let it go, you do unimaginable things for your journey and strength of character. And no, it’s not supposed to be easy…but if it was easy everyone would be an Olympic marathon athlete.
  4. I spent a lot of days and nights in my apartment hyperventilating over it (then my cat would decide I was worthy of comfort because I scooped his shit every day)…I wanted so badly to hear from him, to send a text, to call him.  Instead I fought the urge to do it solely out of respect for myself.  This is the single most caring thing I did for me.  Always put yourself first with these things, and you’ll come in first place on the day of the marathon. No pain no gain, baby.
  5. If you have been wronged and believe you deserve some type of closure in order to move on…Forget it.  Refer to my last post. No one in this world owes you a damn thing. You’ll get through this without an apology, and since it won’t kill you, it’ll definitely make you stronger.
  6. Don’t tie your self-worth to what your ex thinks of you.  Your value must come from within. You are enough. Believe in that and the rest of the advice in this post will naturally follow suit.
  7. Don’t be afraid to love again. There are still good people out there. Oh, and….
  8. You will love again. 

Episode 129: Nuckleheads

by The Relatables, posted in Podcast

The guys catch up and give riff jobs. **Excessive NBA free agency talk warning.** Dean hops on a comedy show that costs way too much and Zack thinks all women in sports are on steroids.

 

Todrick – Nals, Hair, Hips, Heels

Lil Nas X – C7osure

Practice Makes Perfect

by The Relatables, posted in Here's The Thing

Everyone who is anyone has heard the phrase “practice makes perfect”. As a kid, I played every sport I could. I’ve played almost all the common sports in some organized fashion. Well, all of them except for hockey (for obvious reasons), although I do love The Mighty Ducks, and always wanted to try street hockey…but that’s beside the point.

Speaking of, I’ve noticed that I have a reoccurring pattern in my writing. I start with a premise or viewpoint or whatever, and as I try to describe it or relate it, I always get pulled into some other direction. It’s like I know what I want to say, and as I say it, I want to say more. It sounds weird but I feel like my thoughts are like cats on fire in my head- bouncing around all over the place. Forming a complete thought is like trying to herd them to a lake…

If you know, you know. If not, I guess that was just for me, and ill deal with the CPR later.

The crazy part of trying things when you are young is that there is endless potential in everything you do. My dad used to have this saying, especially whenever I was learning to play a new instrument. He would say something to effect of, “How many fingers does Ray Charles/Jimi Hendrix/whoever have?” I’d answer with the obvious, 10. And he’d continue, “How many keys does he have on his piano/guitar/whatever?” I’d answer, “The same amount I have”. And he’d say with confidence, “The only difference between you and them is a little bit of talent and a whole lot of time,” which was my cue to practice.

I’ve learned recently that some people are naturally funny, but in trying stand up comedy, I know that you can even get better at that too. I know that the hard work I’m putting in now will make me better in the future. I know that the more I write these blogs, the better I will become at focusing my thoughts, and conveying my true message.

If you want to get better at something, practice! Afraid to talk to girls? Practice! Want to become a morning person? Practice! Want to be a better friend/spouse/brother/sister? Practice! Basically, what I’m saying is, life is a journey and (almost) anything is possible. If you want it, reach. If you enjoy it, practice!

(no animals were/are harmed in the writing of this blog)

You are the God of your own Universe

by The Relatables, posted in Here's The Thing

I felt inspired by Jade’s last post to write something that felt more personal or that really helped me develop into the man I am today. This post is not meant to offend or poke holes, just to express how I feel, at this point in my life.

I grew up religious; church on Sundays, bible study on Wednesdays, sometimes even events on Thursdays. I’ve been to mega churches, I’ve been to traveling churches, I’ve even been to historically black churches where Martin Luther King Jr. preached. I think I say that to qualify that I am no longer religious and closer to agnostic (I’m not sure I even know how to use that word correctly anymore). Both my parents still go to church regularly and I still find benefit in religion.

I came to the realization, as a child, that praying was really just talking to yourself. And I saw religion as a way create a framework in which to answer the questions you would inevitably ask. Teaching you a “good” consciousness to mediate your impulsive human ideas i.e. The 10 Commandments. I think it is logical to conclude that you shouldn’t kill or hurt people, but to root it in religion is to ground it to something higher than one’s self, giving it an even deeper meaning than the obvious.

I say all of that to get to my ultimate point. That is that I believe everyone is the god of their own universe. When you pray or meditate or daydream, you are talking to yourself. The same way that only you can tell the future, and that is by speaking it into existence. Not literally, like in the bible. But if I say I want to do stand-up comedy, only I have the control to either will it to be or not. I think a better example is the phrase, “Where there’s a Will, there’s a Way”. Everyone has heard a story of someone coming out of poverty to change their conditions, and is now successful. Whether it was hanging out with a different group of friends, waking up early to study or go workout, or working 4 jobs to make ends meet. They found a way. God sacrificed his only son, so that we may prosper. So many times, you hear people say they don’t have time or are too tired. As God of your own universe, you may have to sacrifice sleep to get to where you want, sometimes you might have to sacrifice friends, or sacrifice certain foods, or whatever, but that control lies within you. What I mean by the title, is that you have control over ‘almost everything” in your life (I’m sorry Trump got elected lol). From the relationships YOU tolerate, to the food YOU eat, to the way YOU look, to where YOU are in life.

I realized this young, but it took me a while to learn how to practice this in my own life. It was empowering to know that the only thing between me and my goals is my will and my willingness to make the necessary sacrifices to get there.

I want to give a huge thanks to Jade, who inspires me to stay focused on my goals and shines as a Tru example that “You are the God of your own universe!”

A Woman of Her Word

by The Relatables, posted in Just Jade

In this world there are a few absolute truths.  Nothing lasts forever, everything changes, and you can’t depend on anyone but yourself.  No one owes you your happiness, your success, an explanation, or an apology.  No one in the world is even obligated to show up for you.   Not your parents, not your siblings, not your man (or your lady), not your best friend since you were 8 years old.  If and when they do show up…for me?  That’s where my appreciation spills into a fruitless pursuit of wanting to know how in the world I got so lucky.  Because they don’t owe me anything, but they showed up any way.  It was that time…at my college graduation…The one where my mom passed away a year before I could walk across the stage.  The two remaining most important people to me in my life told me they also weren’t going to show up because they had other obligations.  I was so upset.  I actually felt sorry for myself and couldn’t believe I did all of this work just to be treated like I accomplished nothing. But then I complained to Dean (co-creator and co-host of The Relatables), and he re-asserted…no, he actually TAUGHT me, that even though it hurts, no one in this world owes me a damn thing.  And that was tough for me to swallow, because – The truth will set you free, but first it’ll piss you off.

I think that was the preface to my realization that the only person I can depend on is myself.  If I can’t even do that, then what do I have?  From then on, even when they didn’t show the day of graduation (though I still had my fingers crossed), I had this overwhelming sense of pride bursting from within because I was now truly free to celebrate me.  I told myself I was going to finish, and I did.  I told myself I was going to move to California, and I did.  I told myself I was going to try standup, and I (finally) did. I told myself I was going to see at least one new country every year, and ever since then, I have.

If anything is certain in this world, it is that I’m as good as my word.

Thank you for showing me the way, Dean.