Episode 149: Fuck Sauerkraut

The guys ponder whether or not their parents would be cool if they were gay. As always, the guys work out bits and just have a super time time good. Dean has a firm stance on sweet potato vs. pumpkin pie and Zack will never be likable.

Waylon Jennings – Never Been To Spain

Foo Fighters – Come Alive

Episode 129: Nuckleheads

The guys catch up and give riff jobs. **Excessive NBA free agency talk warning.** Dean hops on a comedy show that costs way too much and Zack thinks all women in sports are on steroids.

 

Todrick – Nals, Hair, Hips, Heels

Lil Nas X – C7osure

Daily Blog #4

I don’t really feel like writing today, so here are some one-liners I’ve put together over the last few weeks. You can only steal them if you say them on stage.

-The word “quench” makes me thirsty.

– I think flat-earthers are just trying to get a free trip to space.

-There should be a three drink MAXIMUM.

-Fuck cancer? You might not have cancer if you were a little nicer.

-Lesbians have the best weed (not a joke, just a fact).

-Boxed water should taste like pussy.

-Why aren’t there wallet chains for your phone?

-Struggle is like chickenpox, the earlier you get it the better. (idunno)

-I’d rather buy tampons than WhiteClaws.

-I bet the hardest part about dating Ariana Grande (for Pete Davidson) was having to pretend her music was good.

– Saw a post from a girl holding a bridesmaid coffee mug with the caption “No Greater Honor”…how many pats on the back do women want?

-You can usually tell one’s race by how long their hashtags are.

-I’ve never really gotten a backhanded compliment…they all feel like fore-handed “Fuck Yous”, to me.

-I will NEVER speak in absolutes EVER again.

-All dogs are rescues, if you think about it.

-Ultimatums are threats with longer timelines.

-I once tried to kill my sister’s cat with allergy medicine.

-High heels are just portable squatty potties.

-Long, drawn out sex is a lie developed by Big Porn.

-*eats Non-GMO* …. *smokes California weed*….

-If there were no refs in MMA, would the guy who knocked the other guy out just keep going?! Sheesh.

These are bad, I know.

DB #2

I’m frantically typing this at work as the last few minutes of my unpaid lunch break expire. I’ve tried not to put too much thought in writing a blog because honestly I think blogs are lame but this was all I could think about this morning. What should I say? What should my point of view be? Why do questions in writings almost always come in threes? I’m not a writer but I so desperately want to be…so this is me doing that. I try to write jokes because in my brain it’s less pretentious than writing something that is self reflective. Even as I typed out that last sentence my brain said, “But great jokes are self reflective if you really think about it.” Fucking douche. Speaking of douche, I’m renaming the blog “DB”. It’s a play on words (or letters) that could mean “Daily Blog” or “Douche Bag”. I don’t really think I’m a douche bag but I do think that’s how I’m perceived so it’s not really up to me, is it? I’m jumping around a lot here but that’s kind of the point. I’ll get better at putting more cohesive thoughts and ideas together as I do more of these but I think it’s important that you all see how shitty I was at the beginning of this thing and then scroll to the point where you might actually get something out of my daily ramblings. I’m just about at the 250 word mark so I’ll keep typing for another second and leave you with my thoughts for today. Bye.