I come from a multi-cultural background– with a Puerto Rican mother and a bi-racial father…so interactions between my family and community were seen from a somewhat unique perspective, in that nothing has ever been absolute in terms of race acceptance and understanding. A few months ago, I was at a comedy show and this black chick went up there and started ragging on mixed people (kind of unique comedic topic in my opinion). I thought it was funny until she said something that I still tread on daily – Mixed people need to recognize their privilege too. This was one of the first times I heard this idea outside of my own head, because I have always had a vague understanding of where I fall on the “black struggle” spectrum. My natural hair is constantly showered with compliments from almost every race, where black women often feel that their natural hair is not beautiful – nor so readily accepted. Just because my curls can be a lot of work (it requires 12 bottles of weekly conditioning and daily foot massages), it doesn’t mean I should cry louder than the women who have an almost subconscious belief via our cultural norms that their natural coils are “ugly”. I think people want so badly to be a part of things they aren’t really a part of a little too often. I mean, I get it- adversity breeds admirable characters with strength and wisdom, so we want people to hear about what we have “been through” and then correlate those experiences to issues that just aren’t quite in our bucket. I try my best to recognize my privilege, for being mixed and also a U.S. citizen. Without undermining the issue, I want to focus more on how my life has been favored and fortunate despite my perceived battles in the world. I am grateful for a place in society where I can only empathize deeply with those who struggle in ways I do not. I believe it is gratitude, not adversity or “struggle points” that turns what we have into enough after all.
Category: Podcast
Episode 130: Ice Brudda
RIP to Mrs. Dog the Bounty Hunter. The pod starts with heavy UFC talk (skip to about 20 mins in if you’re not down) and eventually gets to Dean detailing his first PAID stand-up gig, Hawaii prostitution laws and a new business brainstorm sesh. SHOP THROUGH THE AMAZON LINK (on the site) TO SUPPORT THE SHOW.
wifisfuneral – 30for30
Aminé – Faces + Places
Friction
As a younger man I used to crave the friction of life. It was the tactile sensation that came from living. It was the soreness you feel after you worked out or the discomfort of trying something new. I embraced the unknown and the friction that would surely follow.
As I grew, I started to ween out of these thoughts and into the comfort of “good is easy” and “if it was meant to be, it would” and “go with the flow”.
I recently performed at my first paid comedy show, and I felt the friction. I felt the anxiety, the fear, the suspense. I felt all of it. And in hindsight I can say, I loved it. In hindsight, I can see it is what I need to grow and become not only a better comic, but a better person. In the moment, I felt the uncertainty. Until that moment, it was all unicorns and rainbows. Open mics and showcases, and it all felt like it was falling into place. It felt like I was a natural. But that night was something new. It was new people, new room, new town, new pressure. It was no longer an open mic, with little to no stakes. This was a show, that people paid good money to come be entertained. It forced me to accept certain truths and address my reality. The reality that, this life I envision for myself, will be unforgiving, exhausting, and sometimes unbearable. But that’s just the friction that comes from really living.
I still love the song “Smooth Sailin’ Tonight” by The Isley Brothers. But at this point in my life, I think I more favor the quote “smooth seas don’t make good sailors”. It’s the friction that sparks growth and the friction that builds character. I’m not exactly sure what the point is, but embrace the suck!
You Will Love Again
My first heartbreak was about three years ago. I was so angsty that I found myself Googling dumb articles like “How long will it take to get over my ex?” (PSA Google said to add 6 months for every 3 months you were together, it’s basic fundamental math). But after the time that flawless equation summed up came and went – I was still thinking of this guy! He’d come up randomly for no apparent reason and I’d get a small missing pang in my guts (I later found out this had to do with the fact that I had illegal surgery performed in a back ally to remove my kidney).
Getting over my ex felt like I was training for a marathon. Except the end result, at least to me, was even more worthwhile because of who it made me today. Now, I try to bring myself back to that time and how I’d wake up in the middle of the night wanting him back, or how I convinced myself I would never be the same me again…And I just can’t relate anymore. I want to write about it to seem relatable to everyone who has or is going through the unspeakable right now, but I’m so past it that it just feels – phony – to try to be poetic about someone who shit in my cereal three years ago. Put it like this, recalling how bent out of shape I was over this dude would be like trying to put your poop back in your butt. Now that you have a nice visual, I decided to instead sum up some of the major takeaways I got from the entire experience…if you’re going through something like this, or you already have, I hope it resonates with you.
- You will get through this.
- You won’t be the same ‘you’ that you were, you’ll be a better version.
- I remember the very day I got over to the other side of the plateau (this is very important) – it was the day I let go of ALL HOPE that we would get back together one day. As long as you hold onto hope, you will not move on. When you let it go, you do unimaginable things for your journey and strength of character. And no, it’s not supposed to be easy…but if it was easy everyone would be an Olympic marathon athlete.
- I spent a lot of days and nights in my apartment hyperventilating over it (then my cat would decide I was worthy of comfort because I scooped his shit every day)…I wanted so badly to hear from him, to send a text, to call him. Instead I fought the urge to do it solely out of respect for myself. This is the single most caring thing I did for me. Always put yourself first with these things, and you’ll come in first place on the day of the marathon. No pain no gain, baby.
- If you have been wronged and believe you deserve some type of closure in order to move on…Forget it. Refer to my last post. No one in this world owes you a damn thing. You’ll get through this without an apology, and since it won’t kill you, it’ll definitely make you stronger.
- Don’t tie your self-worth to what your ex thinks of you. Your value must come from within. You are enough. Believe in that and the rest of the advice in this post will naturally follow suit.
- Don’t be afraid to love again. There are still good people out there. Oh, and….
- You will love again.
Episode 129: Nuckleheads
The guys catch up and give riff jobs. **Excessive NBA free agency talk warning.** Dean hops on a comedy show that costs way too much and Zack thinks all women in sports are on steroids.
Todrick – Nals, Hair, Hips, Heels
Lil Nas X – C7osure
Practice Makes Perfect
Everyone who is anyone has heard the phrase “practice makes perfect”. As a kid, I played every sport I could. I’ve played almost all the common sports in some organized fashion. Well, all of them except for hockey (for obvious reasons), although I do love The Mighty Ducks, and always wanted to try street hockey…but that’s beside the point.
Speaking of, I’ve noticed that I have a reoccurring pattern in my writing. I start with a premise or viewpoint or whatever, and as I try to describe it or relate it, I always get pulled into some other direction. It’s like I know what I want to say, and as I say it, I want to say more. It sounds weird but I feel like my thoughts are like cats on fire in my head- bouncing around all over the place. Forming a complete thought is like trying to herd them to a lake…
If you know, you know. If not, I guess that was just for me, and ill deal with the CPR later.
The crazy part of trying things when you are young is that there is endless potential in everything you do. My dad used to have this saying, especially whenever I was learning to play a new instrument. He would say something to effect of, “How many fingers does Ray Charles/Jimi Hendrix/whoever have?” I’d answer with the obvious, 10. And he’d continue, “How many keys does he have on his piano/guitar/whatever?” I’d answer, “The same amount I have”. And he’d say with confidence, “The only difference between you and them is a little bit of talent and a whole lot of time,” which was my cue to practice.
I’ve learned recently that some people are naturally funny, but in trying stand up comedy, I know that you can even get better at that too. I know that the hard work I’m putting in now will make me better in the future. I know that the more I write these blogs, the better I will become at focusing my thoughts, and conveying my true message.
If you want to get better at something, practice! Afraid to talk to girls? Practice! Want to become a morning person? Practice! Want to be a better friend/spouse/brother/sister? Practice! Basically, what I’m saying is, life is a journey and (almost) anything is possible. If you want it, reach. If you enjoy it, practice!
(no animals were/are harmed in the writing of this blog)
