In a Relationship With Me

Being single this summer has forced me to spend some time looking inward.  I started asking myself why I’ve spent so much time in and out of relationships, and I rarely stay single for more than six months at a time (if that).  It’s strange because people who know me tend to describe me as this free spirit, the girl who does what she wants and can’t be controlled.  I’m not the kind of person who depends on a relationship for safety or security – yet I find myself always in one?  Why?

 Because I’m fucking high demand that’s why. Grade A, bomb ass P………..KIDDING.

 I think it’s because I’m such an extrovert and I’m always meeting new people and having an amazing time (PG answer 😊).  Then I connect with someone, we like each other, and over time it becomes the next step that just makes the most sense despite the red flags.  So far that obviously hasn’t worked out for me – my longest relationship has been with my cat (6 years strong baby).

So instead, I’m consciously choosing to enjoy this me (and cat) time.  My old skool aunt would tell you that at 27, I’m being “too picky”, and she asked me to point her to the mystical land of Mr Perfects when I find it.  I’m not searching for perfect.  I’m searching for myself (what a millennial line).  There are things that I thought I wanted out of life, but by being with myself this summer alone, I realized that I don’t want those things.  I don’t want to have kids, I don’t want to move back home to settle down anymore.  I don’t want to settle down at all, until my joints hurt and I can’t walk.  This isn’t to say I’m opposed to fully sharing my life with someone else again, it just can’t be because it’s the “next step” to stay in each other’s lives.

Working on that…that’s the next step in my relationship with me.