Episode 134: The Mass Shooter Tour

Coming to a city near you!

Zack and Dean test their new theory on the three main phases in a young man’s life, set the record straight on why they are “The Relatables”, delve in to the potential drawbacks of augmented reality (via “deep fakes”) and examine the hypocrisy if cigarette smokers.

Yung Simmie – Shoot Da 3 (feat. Denzel Curry)

EARTHGANG – Meditate

In a Relationship With Me

Being single this summer has forced me to spend some time looking inward.  I started asking myself why I’ve spent so much time in and out of relationships, and I rarely stay single for more than six months at a time (if that).  It’s strange because people who know me tend to describe me as this free spirit, the girl who does what she wants and can’t be controlled.  I’m not the kind of person who depends on a relationship for safety or security – yet I find myself always in one?  Why?

 Because I’m fucking high demand that’s why. Grade A, bomb ass P………..KIDDING.

 I think it’s because I’m such an extrovert and I’m always meeting new people and having an amazing time (PG answer 😊).  Then I connect with someone, we like each other, and over time it becomes the next step that just makes the most sense despite the red flags.  So far that obviously hasn’t worked out for me – my longest relationship has been with my cat (6 years strong baby).

So instead, I’m consciously choosing to enjoy this me (and cat) time.  My old skool aunt would tell you that at 27, I’m being “too picky”, and she asked me to point her to the mystical land of Mr Perfects when I find it.  I’m not searching for perfect.  I’m searching for myself (what a millennial line).  There are things that I thought I wanted out of life, but by being with myself this summer alone, I realized that I don’t want those things.  I don’t want to have kids, I don’t want to move back home to settle down anymore.  I don’t want to settle down at all, until my joints hurt and I can’t walk.  This isn’t to say I’m opposed to fully sharing my life with someone else again, it just can’t be because it’s the “next step” to stay in each other’s lives.

Working on that…that’s the next step in my relationship with me.

Episode 127: Soft Bottoms

Hear comedy tips and tidbits from two non-comedians. The guys discuss how even idiots can own their own business, their first time stumbling on to pornography and the fact they’ve never really hit a “hard bottom”. Are soft bottoms holding them back?

Taylor Girls – Wedgie in My Booty

DVBBS – GOMF (feat. BRIDGE)

Episode 125: Favorite Jerker

The guys discuss when parent’s should go “all-in” on their professional gamer, talk comedy and discover that single women are happier (according to SCIENTIFIC findings). Dean gives his number (his sex number) and NBA playoff predictions are made.

Chance the Rapper ft. TisaKorean & Murda Beatz – GRoCERIES

Jonah Yano, BADBADNOTGOOD – nervous

Episode 124: 23 Like Mike

The guys discuss “Loqueesha”, “Soulman”, NBA Playoffs (Sonya Curry), why we’re not having sex anymore and zombie raccoons in Chicago. Dean goes running and Zack reveals his number. Also, will Hydro-UFC exist in the future? Use the amazon link for all your shopping to support the show!

City Girls – Act Up

Vampire Weekend – Harmony Hall

Daily Blog #4

I don’t really feel like writing today, so here are some one-liners I’ve put together over the last few weeks. You can only steal them if you say them on stage.

-The word “quench” makes me thirsty.

– I think flat-earthers are just trying to get a free trip to space.

-There should be a three drink MAXIMUM.

-Fuck cancer? You might not have cancer if you were a little nicer.

-Lesbians have the best weed (not a joke, just a fact).

-Boxed water should taste like pussy.

-Why aren’t there wallet chains for your phone?

-Struggle is like chickenpox, the earlier you get it the better. (idunno)

-I’d rather buy tampons than WhiteClaws.

-I bet the hardest part about dating Ariana Grande (for Pete Davidson) was having to pretend her music was good.

– Saw a post from a girl holding a bridesmaid coffee mug with the caption “No Greater Honor”…how many pats on the back do women want?

-You can usually tell one’s race by how long their hashtags are.

-I’ve never really gotten a backhanded compliment…they all feel like fore-handed “Fuck Yous”, to me.

-I will NEVER speak in absolutes EVER again.

-All dogs are rescues, if you think about it.

-Ultimatums are threats with longer timelines.

-I once tried to kill my sister’s cat with allergy medicine.

-High heels are just portable squatty potties.

-Long, drawn out sex is a lie developed by Big Porn.

-*eats Non-GMO* …. *smokes California weed*….

-If there were no refs in MMA, would the guy who knocked the other guy out just keep going?! Sheesh.

These are bad, I know.