A Circle?

“Sometimes you gotta look at things from outside the box, to realize you are in a circle.” –Dean

Most people remember the first time they heard their voice recorded and not from inside their own head or remember seeing a picture of themselves as opposed to looking at themselves in the mirror. In that moment you realize that you aren’t quite what you thought you were, and that people might perceive you differently then what you let on.

Sometimes it takes a best friend to tell you that you are in a toxic relationship, to shake things up and make you look at your life in a different way. Sometimes it takes a manager looking over your shoulder to make you realize you can be more productive if you put away your phone. Sometimes it takes a training partner to highlight that one detail you might have been overlooking to really hone in your technique and get better. Sometimes it takes a psychedelic experience to make you realize what’s really important in life. No matter what the catalyst of change is, my advice is to be open to it and to constantly be aware that you can only perceive so much alone.

As soon as you feel you have it all figured out, you limit yourself to the new possibilities that can expand your understanding. LeBron James has a trainer, Elon Musk has advisors, employees have managers, and all of us have friends, family, and loved ones. From the best in the world to the “extra” ordinary, everyone needs that external force to push them past what they thought was possible, encourage them when they don’t believe in themselves, or give perspective they might have never considered.

Party Called Life

I was born with a serious disability called sobriety.  The side effects include things like having difficulty concentrating on daily tasks, high anxiety, frequent mood swings, and over time, permanent damage to my retinal tissue since I’ll often experience the irresistible urge to go on early morning hikes and stare at the sunrise.  I think as a society we’ve been doing a great job with unveiling the stigma against mental health…That’s great, I love what we’re doing there…  But what about the stigma against sobriety?! WHY IS IT that when I’m self-medicating (successfully), and having the time of MY life (because I’m a happy drunk), people assume I may have a problem? Ok obviously joking here…but on a serious note: I’m 27 years old, 3 years from 30, and I keep hearing this message from people that I’ll need to “slow down” soon.  I don’t think I ever need to slow down to settle down (I used to though).  I’ll slow down on the drinking and partying and living my life to the fullest whenever I slow down on the drinking and partying and living my life to the fullest.  There’s no magic number for when that should or does happen?  Am I not “grown up” because I still like to party? No.  People fundamentally, at their core, don’t change.  The message: I’ll ALWAYS be the girl…or ahem…the woman, who loves her bottomless mimosas (hold the OJ) and brings as much fun as she can to this party called “life”.

Jobs

I always end up hating my job. I can’t tell if it’s because I don’t want to work for other people or because I’ve always signed up to work for the wrong people. Now before you think I’m taking shots at my direct managers, I’m not, I actually appreciate the people I interact and work for. I’m not above or better than anyone, I’ve just always had problems with the way companies are run…especially big companies that I’ve been apart of during my office “career”. Companies get so big that they can’t possibly be efficient. They get so big that employees within the company (especially myself) feel like nothing they do as an impact or matters. I work for a giant healthcare company now. They have so many “benefit” programs and miscellaneous publications that I wonder if they want to stick to their core competencies at all or they just want to skim off of the people who earn money for them.

My first job was cashiering for Al’s Pizza. I loved that place and it was the perfect fit for a high school stoner. I’d smoke a bowl in the back parking lot before work, put in my 4-6 hours and then dip out with free pizza. Ah, back when times were much simpler. It wasn’t rewarding but it served a purpose at that time in my life. It taught me about punctuality and serving others.

Next, I worked as filing clerk for a law firm. I actually made pretty decent money but as you know, lawyers aren’t the most fascinating of people. It turned me off from pursuing law as I realized I was having the same interactions and I eventually got bored after exactly a year. After all, I only took up an office job to prove to my parents that I was professional enough to work for the family company. So, after almost exactly a year, I put my notice in and decided to work alongside my parents.

Working with and for my parents will be a separate post in itself. That’s WAY too much to get in to right now. I think you all understand.

After I realized I wasn’t exactly a chip off the ole block, I got a job at a comedy club. That was the most fun job I’ve ever had but it just didn’t pay enough for the time I put in. I love comedy but I value my time and sanity more than laughs and free nachos, so I eventually had to move on from that.

Then I worked for a “logistics” company. Basically, my job was to sell “lanes” to truck drivers to move freight from Point A to Point B. It was an experience. I got to learn about the backbone of American trade while earning a decent paycheck. Eventually my girlfriend and I made the decision to move away from home in Jacksonville, Florida and head north to where I reside today, in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

That leads me back to the healthcare company I currently work for. Now, I have to throw some caveats in about my earlier comments on inefficiency. In my current employer’s defense, The United State’s healthcare system is so fucked up that I don’t think it’s possible to run an efficient business in it. There are just too many patients and hospitals and doctors and illnesses and accidents that there’s almost no way things can run smoothly. I don’t want to get too much in the weeds here but big companies like the one I work for just seem too big and cumbersome to navigate not only the healthcare industry but the world around it. There are complex systems and devoted employees that revolve around things that don’t add value. Things like PTO software, internal online shopping stores for knickknacks, company specific podcasts and the like are byproducts of a bloated business entity. I might have lost most of you and that’s because I can’t be too specific right now (for obvious reasons). Some of you feel my pain though. Like why did my company rent out a football stadium for our annual Christmas party? Couldn’t they have just given everyone bonuses and boosted “morale” that way?

What I’m getting at with all of this is that I don’t think most people are job compatible. At least, I know I’m not. I need to figure out how to stop working for people and move away from the “income to live” trap. I can’t stand when people say, “Be your own boss”, because I never want to look or think of myself as a “boss” but I want to eventually be free of a set schedule and predefined expectations as to what my output should be.

I want to wake up everyday with the freedom to do exactly what I want, create value in people’s lives and ultimately be self sustainable. I guess that kind of starts with this website. I want it to work for me but that won’t happen until I bring something of value to the people who visit. That’s where you come in.

What could I possibly do to create value in your life? What do you want me to research and refine so you don’t have to? Just let me know, I’m all ears (and eyes).

 

Episode 122: Mormon, Moldy, Moist

Recorded on a Sundee, dropped on a Wednesday…Zack’s gotta do better. The boys get topical. A bartender is charged for serving a murderer. Don’t let your forbidden fruits rot. What kind of guy would you want to date your daughter?

Schoolboy Q – Floating (feat. 21 Savage)

Lynyrd Skynyrd – Simple Man

Check this out!

So there’s a portion of Your Friends Favorite Podcast that has really grown on me. It’s a section I call “Highly Recommended”. I didn’t know why I liked it so much until I heard Kevin Hart talk about his passions on The Joe Rogan Experience. I used to think that a friends recommendation, whether it be a movie, restaurant, song, vacation spot, relationship advice, etc. was an extension of them. And to write off or ignore a recommendation felt almost like I was slighting them. Everyone knows the feeling of being really excited about a movie, song or show and going to tell your friend about it, then checking on them the next day or in a week only to find out they didn’t check it out. I want to live the best and happiest life I can, and I, as only one man, can only experience so much. And as I look back, I’ve done and witnessed a lot of amazing things and wasted my time doing many things that were less than stellar. I like to look at my friends as curators to the world, and filters of experience. If you are my friend, then I value your opinion, and if you recommend something, I feel like you enjoyed it. I know that you filtered out all the BS to something that you believe others will enjoy too. In fewer words, a recommendation is like someone’s Instagram. You don’t see the bad times, you get the highlight reel of their life. They found their good side, filtered out all the bad lighting, cropped out their ex, and present to the world their best selves. So the next time someone recommends something to you, don’t take it as a chore to accomplish, but as an opportunity to skip the BS and get right to the good stuff.

The Funk

I’ve been in what my mom used to call a “funk” for the last week or so. Since I was a kid, I would get in these funks about once a month and I don’t know how to stop it. I try to push through, I try to keep myself distracted but sometimes there’s no escaping it. I’ve been trying to stay away from this kind of post. My eyes roll every time someone posts about depression or anxiety on social media because everyone has some kind of underlying symptom of one of those things. What makes my despondence significant? I have it pretty easy.

I can usually rationalize myself out of feeling down or unmotivated but not this week. This week’s been pretty dark. My diet and lack of physical activity hasn’t been helping. I keep leaving work early to get snacks, go home, smoke a bowl and eat said snacks until I pass out- only to wake up and do the same thing again the next day. It’s pathetic. I think I know why I’m self sabotaging but for some reason I don’t want to confront it yet. Confronting it might end what I have going on right now and what I have going on right now feels good…while it’s going on. I know I’m being vague but I think you get the gist.

The funk always starts in a deep, dark place and then creeps out to touch all whenever I give it fuel. I fuel it with a lack of sleep, sugar and consuming (rather than creating). I just looked down and saw that I made it to 250 words. I created that and now I’m done. Yeah, the funk is real.

Give me your best funk fix.