Words Suck

Every Thursday morning, I wake up and think about what I’m going to write about for this blog. I’ll come up with an outline or an idea, get all worked up and motivated to post it early (to get the most eyes on it) but inevitably, three sentences in, I can’t stand my own words. Cut to almost two hours before midnight and I’m scrambling to get something down that’s somewhat compelling. Maybe that’s what I’ll talk about this week. I love writing, but this week I’ll tell you why I hate it, why I think I’m not good at it and why words suck.

This shit’s hard. I mean, it’s easy to write…like just write down your thoughts, duh, but when I was growing up, school made writing so formulaic that it seemed like a chore. It made me hate it. I get that you need the basics. You should know how to spell, form sentences, and the difference between a colon and a semicolon (for some reason), but eventually writing and writing assessments got way too restrictive. The template was simple. You have a main point (thesis), three to four supporting paragraphs and then you wrap it all up at the end in a bow with a summary of your supporting paragraphs and how they related to your main point. There was no room for experimentation and certainly no room for humor. Maybe it’s just the teachers I had or the school system I was brought up in but it wasn’t until college that I actually got to experiment with writing.

I think I hate my writing now because I don’t think it adequately portrays me. I haven’t worked that muscle in my brain to be good enough to tell you all exactly what i’m thinking and I don’t yet have the ability to clearly spell out my perspective. I think I’m still too worried about the fact that people are reading this. I’ve gotta get over that.

This might be the weed typing but I also don’t think I think in words. **Definitely the weed typing**. But for real, I always say that I think language gets in the way and I really believe it. Words are great and all but that’s all they are. Words are inadequate. Dr. Albert Mehrabian (author of Silent Messages) agrees and found that only 7% of any message is conveyed through words. Yeah, writing might just suck. Who even reads books any more? Audiobooks don’t count and most fiction books are just as bad as sitcoms with laugh tracks, so they don’t count either. Writing is a dead medium and we all know it. If it’s not on Youtube, fuck off.

I’m not wrapping this up in a bow. You got what you paid for.

Episode 151: Usain Bulge (@trashbeatsalan)

The guys catch up after Thanksgiving and get in to the revamped “Minshew Mania”, turkey tacos and Kangaroo meat. Alan (@trashbeatsalan), stops by to drop lines about slav squats, the black dick myth and a little bit about growing up Bosnian. Check out his music and work with L.O.V.E. CULTURE

slowthai – Psycho (feat. Denzel Curry)

Fabolous – Gone For The Summer (feat. A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie)

Episode 145: The Boy Is Back In Town

The guys are face to face again as Zack comes back home from Michigan. Dean comes up with an idea to help college kids get their essays done a little quicker. This ep was just okay. We’ll do better. We love you.

bbno$ – Lalala (feat. Y2K)

bbno$ – Slop

California’s Not a Dream

One year ago today, I moved from Florida to good ol’ expensive ass California – to have all my dreams and savings crushed into nothing so I’d inevitably start considering creating that sugardaddy.com  profile after all. Nah, I’m playing…my dreams aren’t all crushed yet, my sugar daddy will definitely pay my student loans. Aside from realizing how real all the rumors were about Cali, like the traffic..and that it is in fact, really f**king expensive..I feel good about my move. Yea, I’m baaaasically broke…But I am having THE time of my life.  I can’t stress enough the amount of times this year alone I’ve had to take a moment to myself, breathe in, and think, “I did this.” I created this life for myself, and this life really is mine. I have a whole group of amazing new friends, I’ve been to countless festivals (ahem…yes Coachella included, duh), I had a surprise birthday party, I’m co-producing a comedy show next month…Guys, I even tried standup comedy for the first time…and for a first time it was pretty damn cool, PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS FUNNY!Crazyiknowright. It’s just been that fantastic and that alone has been unbelievable to me at times. I value my experiences and having the memories that I do so much more than any material thing. Over the years I’ve constantly looked back on my 20s with mostly smiles on my face – not just about all the tough lessons and adversity I have overcome trying to figure out who I really was blah blah etc.., but on all the late reckless nights and adventures I’ve been on too. These are the things that will last a lifetime. And guys, I just landed a new kick ass job – so I won’t be so broke anymore! Goodbye glucose father! &Like yea, CA is probably still going to rape me financially…but I guess that’s just the price I’m paying for some “priceless” experiences, sprinkled with an immeasurable wealth of personal growth and…yea I gotta say it, self-love. I’m technically rich AF!!!

Tru Questions

I’ve learned that when it comes to talking to people about the the things that matter, the “hard hitting” questions, the “meat and potatoes”. Unless someone is aware of themselves or under the influence, they’re are not very forthcoming when it comes to personal information/details. It has taken me a long time to build what I think is enough self-confidence to hang my hat on. But over the years I got really good at dodging anything particularly personal and even better at getting people to open up about themselves and keeping the conversation off of me. Only recently, I’ve been having to actively try to open up more about me and be more vulnerable, to have more genuine experiences. But coming around that corner has helped me look back and have fun with catching people in the headlights of their “tru” questions. I say tru, cause I don’t really know. Who really does?! But being more comfortable in myself has helped me lean into asking people “realer” questions, because I feel like in some way I don’t have anything to hide and can wear it all on my sleeve. There’s an unspoken freedom in that. And it’s taken me a while to appreciate it and not feel like another average “black male misunderstood”. I think the point I’m really trying to make is sometimes it takes finesse to put smoke in a bottle. It’s a hard analogy to describe. But IYKYK. Sometimes you gotta take 3 rights to make a left. The bigger point. Bigger point??? Another point. Fair enough….Just continue to grow and be real with yourself and like Zack said, do some version of that “8 mile shit”. Wear it in your sleeve, own it. Take pride in your victories and know you are good enough. Also, am I a writer now?

Episode 98: Navigate Through The Heartbreak

Don’t let the title fool you. This is a light-hearted episode. The guys talk: UFC 214, Game of Thrones, give relationship advice and even get into a spirited debate about transgenderism. It’s all love. Please like, share, subscribe and as always, Stay Relatable!

 

 

Lophiile – Newno ft. Moss Kena & Nick Grant

Calvin Harris – Slide ft. Frank Ocean & Migos

 

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