We talk about how much we would show on “Only Fans”, Publix conspiracies, Florida reopening, foot shakes, mission statements and danger.
The guys come up with a new idea for a social media app, get real vulnerable about crying and catch up since last week’s guest episode.
bbno$ – Shining On My Ex (feat. Yung Gravy)
Kanye West – Use This Gospel
I’ve heard that CA is where liberals go to die. I thought I had the liberal political scale thing figured out (I’m a Poli Sci major, w00t)…until I came to California. There are outrageous gas prices, ridiculous income taxes, third highest homelessness rate in the United States, 1st and 3rd worst traffic in the nation …The fact that I can’t expect to pay less than $1,500 to land a semi decent studio can get under my skin sometimes. Ok, all the time. But none of that is why my libertard brain was jarred. At LA Pride this past weekend, I saw a vivid culture promoting love for all, no matter who you are or what you choose to be (beautiful concept!). But there I was, thinking I didn’t belong because I’m a “straight” chick, in a crowd full of LGBQT’s. I had to remind myself that my every day, around a majority of hetero people, is also their every day. And then I asked myself, what even is this ‘my’ vs ‘their’ lingo. We’re all in this. It is actually our every day. Their fight is our fight. All this is just to say, it is incredibly eye opening to have your perceived open mindedness challenged from time to time – and better yet, to be given the opportunity to correct your behavior to line with your expanding convictions. Life has a fantastic way of always reminding us that the only thing we know for sure, is that we know nothing at all.
Still, fuck these gas prices though.
One year ago today, I moved from Florida to good ol’ expensive ass California – to have all my dreams and savings crushed into nothing so I’d inevitably start considering creating that sugardaddy.com profile after all. Nah, I’m playing…my dreams aren’t all crushed yet, my sugar daddy will definitely pay my student loans. Aside from realizing how real all the rumors were about Cali, like the traffic..and that it is in fact, really f**king expensive..I feel good about my move. Yea, I’m baaaasically broke…But I am having THE time of my life. I can’t stress enough the amount of times this year alone I’ve had to take a moment to myself, breathe in, and think, “I did this.” I created this life for myself, and this life really is mine. I have a whole group of amazing new friends, I’ve been to countless festivals (ahem…yes Coachella included, duh), I had a surprise birthday party, I’m co-producing a comedy show next month…Guys, I even tried standup comedy for the first time…and for a first time it was pretty damn cool, PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS FUNNY!Crazyiknowright. It’s just been that fantastic and that alone has been unbelievable to me at times. I value my experiences and having the memories that I do so much more than any material thing. Over the years I’ve constantly looked back on my 20s with mostly smiles on my face – not just about all the tough lessons and adversity I have overcome trying to figure out who I really was blah blah etc.., but on all the late reckless nights and adventures I’ve been on too. These are the things that will last a lifetime. And guys, I just landed a new kick ass job – so I won’t be so broke anymore! Goodbye glucose father! &Like yea, CA is probably still going to rape me financially…but I guess that’s just the price I’m paying for some “priceless” experiences, sprinkled with an immeasurable wealth of personal growth and…yea I gotta say it, self-love. I’m technically rich AF!!!
I don’t really feel like writing today, so here are some one-liners I’ve put together over the last few weeks. You can only steal them if you say them on stage.
-The word “quench” makes me thirsty.
– I think flat-earthers are just trying to get a free trip to space.
-There should be a three drink MAXIMUM.
-Fuck cancer? You might not have cancer if you were a little nicer.
-Lesbians have the best weed (not a joke, just a fact).
-Boxed water should taste like pussy.
-Why aren’t there wallet chains for your phone?
-Struggle is like chickenpox, the earlier you get it the better. (idunno)
-I’d rather buy tampons than WhiteClaws.
-I bet the hardest part about dating Ariana Grande (for Pete Davidson) was having to pretend her music was good.
– Saw a post from a girl holding a bridesmaid coffee mug with the caption “No Greater Honor”…how many pats on the back do women want?
-You can usually tell one’s race by how long their hashtags are.
-I’ve never really gotten a backhanded compliment…they all feel like fore-handed “Fuck Yous”, to me.
-I will NEVER speak in absolutes EVER again.
-All dogs are rescues, if you think about it.
-Ultimatums are threats with longer timelines.
-I once tried to kill my sister’s cat with allergy medicine.
-High heels are just portable squatty potties.
-Long, drawn out sex is a lie developed by Big Porn.
-*eats Non-GMO* …. *smokes California weed*….
-If there were no refs in MMA, would the guy who knocked the other guy out just keep going?! Sheesh.
These are bad, I know.