You’re Better (Sober)

Please don’t get defensive. I know you’re an adult and you get things done but you’re WAY better sober. If you don’t think so, you’re lying to yourself. I don’t care what your chemical of choice is- whether it’s booze, weed, pills, powder, etc., you could be doing a lot more in life if you cut back or cut it out altogether. I go back and forth all the time as to whether or not I should be stone cold sober. I don’t think I have an addiction problem but I do think sometimes I let my vices get in the way of things.

“We all need something”. I hear that quote all the time when people try to rationalize their vices. It’s weak thinking. I think vices and virtues are two sides of the same coin. The more time and energy you spend flipped to the vice side, the less virtue. Even the most balanced people on earth can admit their vices create stagnation and even regression. So why do we continue to do things that don’t help us?

My main vice is pot. I’ve been smoking since I was 15 (I’m 27 now) and I’m not proud of it. I’m actually pretty embarrassed. I wish I would have waited for my brain to develop more before trying it. I feel like I should have grown out of wanting to be high and not present all the time at this point in my life. I know it holds me back. I took what should have been a fun high school phase way too far. Any uber-successful person I know doesn’t smoke pot and the people I do know who smoke way too much pot…drive for Uber.

I’m not a huge drinker but that’s because the after effects are rarely worth it. Sure, it helps you loosen up around people but let’s face it, you’re annoying as fuck when you’re drunk. You’re loud, dumb and not worried about how you come off or effect others. You wake up in the morning feeling like shit, concerned about actions from the night before for what? A couple hours of mindless distraction? We spend our money on overpriced booze, post way too many stories on Instagram and eat like shit to sop up the alcohol. What the fuck are we doing?!

I’m not here to preach or to make you feel bad but I know at least one of you out there needed to read this. You’re doing alright in life but you’re looking for that edge to put your over the top and in the place you really want to be. Do me a favor, quit your vice for  just a little bit. Start off with a week, then a month and then more and tell me your life hasn’t changed for the better. If you prove me wrong, I’ll take this post down and we’ll go get a beer together. Until then, we’ll see how my hypothesis sits…I think you’re better sober.

Daily Blog #4

I don’t really feel like writing today, so here are some one-liners I’ve put together over the last few weeks. You can only steal them if you say them on stage.

-The word “quench” makes me thirsty.

– I think flat-earthers are just trying to get a free trip to space.

-There should be a three drink MAXIMUM.

-Fuck cancer? You might not have cancer if you were a little nicer.

-Lesbians have the best weed (not a joke, just a fact).

-Boxed water should taste like pussy.

-Why aren’t there wallet chains for your phone?

-Struggle is like chickenpox, the earlier you get it the better. (idunno)

-I’d rather buy tampons than WhiteClaws.

-I bet the hardest part about dating Ariana Grande (for Pete Davidson) was having to pretend her music was good.

– Saw a post from a girl holding a bridesmaid coffee mug with the caption “No Greater Honor”…how many pats on the back do women want?

-You can usually tell one’s race by how long their hashtags are.

-I’ve never really gotten a backhanded compliment…they all feel like fore-handed “Fuck Yous”, to me.

-I will NEVER speak in absolutes EVER again.

-All dogs are rescues, if you think about it.

-Ultimatums are threats with longer timelines.

-I once tried to kill my sister’s cat with allergy medicine.

-High heels are just portable squatty potties.

-Long, drawn out sex is a lie developed by Big Porn.

-*eats Non-GMO* …. *smokes California weed*….

-If there were no refs in MMA, would the guy who knocked the other guy out just keep going?! Sheesh.

These are bad, I know.