So if you’re keeping track, you may have noticed that I missed a blog post yesterday. If you didn’t notice, congratulations on living your life. This is usually the point in a project when I give up. I told myself I’d write a blog post everyday but I missed a day, so now I consider myself a failure and won’t continue to write anymore. This probably would have been my m.o. a year ago but I’m done beating myself up over not being perfect (or even close). I used to think that not striving for perfection in everything you did was weak behavior. My quest for perfection usually freezes me at the starting line of most projects because I convince myself there’s no point in doing it unless it’s going to be perfect. Then I just bail on the project. Now THAT is weak behavior. It’s a fear of failure. It’s a faux elitist point of view that blinds me from realizing anything…much less my self-granted potential. I won’t do it this time, I’m not going to quit just yet. I really like doing this. It’s like typing out a podcast you’re doing by yourself in your head. At first I was rolling my eyes at myself. Who are you? Why would you think people are gonna read your fucking blog? I don’t even worry about that anymore. It’s not for other people. This is for me. It won’t be perfect. It can’t be perfect.

**Check in on the site daily! We’re about to start two new blogs with two new writers, each contributing once a week. Follow The Relatables on Instagram for updates!!**

Daily Blog #4

I don’t really feel like writing today, so here are some one-liners I’ve put together over the last few weeks. You can only steal them if you say them on stage.

-The word “quench” makes me thirsty.

– I think flat-earthers are just trying to get a free trip to space.

-There should be a three drink MAXIMUM.

-Fuck cancer? You might not have cancer if you were a little nicer.

-Lesbians have the best weed (not a joke, just a fact).

-Boxed water should taste like pussy.

-Why aren’t there wallet chains for your phone?

-Struggle is like chickenpox, the earlier you get it the better. (idunno)

-I’d rather buy tampons than WhiteClaws.

-I bet the hardest part about dating Ariana Grande (for Pete Davidson) was having to pretend her music was good.

– Saw a post from a girl holding a bridesmaid coffee mug with the caption “No Greater Honor”…how many pats on the back do women want?

-You can usually tell one’s race by how long their hashtags are.

-I’ve never really gotten a backhanded compliment…they all feel like fore-handed “Fuck Yous”, to me.

-I will NEVER speak in absolutes EVER again.

-All dogs are rescues, if you think about it.

-Ultimatums are threats with longer timelines.

-I once tried to kill my sister’s cat with allergy medicine.

-High heels are just portable squatty potties.

-Long, drawn out sex is a lie developed by Big Porn.

-*eats Non-GMO* …. *smokes California weed*….

-If there were no refs in MMA, would the guy who knocked the other guy out just keep going?! Sheesh.

These are bad, I know.

Episode 119: THE RETURN (Part 2 – BONUS from Los Angeles)

The guys reluctantly record live from the lobby of the Freehand Hotel in Los Angeles, California. They recap their experiences at The Comedy Store, SoFar and act like they’re locals.

Color The Band – Locals

Ski Mask The Slump God – Faucet Failure

Episode 119: THE RETURN (Part 1)

The boys are back! The Relatables ease back in with discussions about #MyLastShot, not being an adult until you’re in your 30’s and recap their recent “comedy vacation” in Los Angeles.

Magic – Young Gravy

The Trouble Notes – Lose Your Ties (SoFar Hamburg)